#did anyone even survive Tom is his 20s Look at him

[philiponmycracker]

Baby Tom as young Frank the cuntiest, most dramatic "slave girl" (his words not mine) princess

[luxu1230]

Top Gun Shape shifter au!!

So everything is practically the same except the human population can transform into animals however they are exceptions called the Unshift. However the only modern documented animal shifters are land and sea animals not any animal which could fly.

They've been cave drawings and carvings of those who could shift and fly and all seem to worship these people who had that gift. Paintings of flying shifters surrounded by guards and seemingly living lives of luxury surrounded by people who seemed to bow to their every need. As well as paintings of them looking after the young.

Humans typically shift between the ages of 3 up to the age of 18 and while not legally required to tell your shift to the government to join the military you have to. Also shifts are random so two canine shifters could have a child but they could be a feline shifter instead.

///

Jake Seresin's family wasn't the best with two parents and an older sister who was 20 by the time he was born. He could clearly see he was a child born to try and fix a relationship and well that never worked.

He had a sister who tried to be there for him but she was off trying to get away from home (not that he knew that) by taking as many scholarship classes as she could at the nearest college then university. After she finished she never looked back and he still resented her for leaving him (he missed her fluffy golden coat which would warm him on nights when she was allowed to shift).

His parents weren't good. They would always argue resulting in him just exploring the wilderness until nightfall just to get away. They were both shifters but they hated doing it and would always complain when his sister shifted (He didn't realise they had to. Not unless... Not unless....)

Growing up in the middle of nowhere meant he had not much access to the outside world and while his mother homeschooled him in only the basics she never said or taught him much more than that the only time he could grow his education was every time his sister came home from university. He would steal his sister's books and read them searching for more knowledge.

That's how he found out he was never gonna tell anyone what he could shift into and swore off shifting and all he must be a freak to be able to fly. (It nearly cost him his life).

///

Pete could count on one hand the people he had trusted his shift to his husband Tom, Slider, Goose, Carol and Bradley. He wasn't afraid of his shift and he never knows what would happen if he was to tell the world of his shift. He was a blackbird and he could fly

The one thing he had always wanted to do and he doesn't even need a plane to have his own wings. Though that may never have happened if he fell to the sickness.

He was lucky Tom saved him and educated him as a child bouncing from foster home to foster home his CPS worker had always told him not to shift for if he was to shift he would never be loved and so he didn't though that never stopped him telling Goose his shift (though he never saw the sickness coming did it).

The sickness came on suddenly and it wasn't until he was seizing on the floor that Tom had finally found out what was wrong. He had managed to force a shift out of him and he suddenly felt so much pressure and pain release from him. He had dropped for a week and he had come back to being in a nest of blankets on their bed with Tom curled round him in his wolf form.

It's not until then he learns that a shifter must shift to live otherwise the animal inside starts rejecting its host thus resulting in shifters dying. He tells him how lucky he was to survive this long without shifting and that what he shifts into doesn't matter and that he should have been worshipped for his form rather than told to hide it.

It's not until years later that he sees the sickness again and he realises how he's not as alone in his shift than he thought.

///

It was after the mission. A couple of months past it at this point. The daggers were a permanent squad and Bradley and Jake were finally a thing.

They'd just finished a hop and Pete had noticed how out of it that Jake was. It wasn't until he heard a commotion and turned around to see Jake seizing on the floor to realise what he was seeing and how it seemed to be a reflection of the past. His instincts took over and he grabbed Jake and ran ignoring the shouting behind him asking where he was going and what he was doing.

He ran to Tom and explained what was going on he forced the shift and they both couldn't help but feel devastated as they saw the state of the golden eagle in front of them. It was thin and its feathers were so out of line that it looked like it had been attacked and clawed at. It chirped was so quiet as it drifted off to unconsciousness. Pete grabbed the throw on Tom's chair and wrapped the eagle up. They took him home and did the same they did all those years ago but this time Bradley was there to help when he found out what was going on.

It wasn't until later that they found Jake hadn't shifted since he was 9 years old. He explained his upbringing and Pete couldn't help but hold him over the shared experience. Though Pete knew that Jake wouldn't have to go through this alone after all he had them now.

Jake's form.

Pete's form.

[bonefall]

I wanted to ask something queer because it’s pride month but I can’t think of anything… do you have any queer bb rewrite stuff to talk about?

HERE, have a queer jumble of a bunch of the gay changes in BB;

As far back as DOTC, Thunder Storm was transmasc. His childhood best friend is also his lover; Lightning Cry.

There is a third gender in Clan Culture; Meewa. Gray Wing was Meewa and to this day, the role is associated with parenthood and wisdom.

Bumble and Turtle Heart were mates.

The Clanmew parental terms are decoupled from gender; the Mi is the primary parent, a Ba is a secondary.

For an example; Breezepelt is the Mi of his litters, Harestar and Heathertail were both Ba.

In Clanmew, Harestar had so many Ys in his warrior name (Yywayayiaoyyr) that Breezepelt got the kits to call him Yya.

Bluestar was queer. She had strange relationships with almost everything personal, but the only thing that matters is how much she LOVED her friends and how far she would go for them

The entire Forget-me-not friend group was queer in some ways.

And Bluestar’s friend Rosetail, turns out she's aromantic!

She loves romance, matchmaking, but eventually realized she doesn't like being in one. She just likes the idea a lot.

So of course Thistleclaw was PISSED when his sister claimed Queen’s Rights and adamantly refused to name a father.

She matched up her son Redtail with Runningwind, I like to think she was a very "when am i getting grandkits" kind of mom

Redtail was trans, but also gave birth to his children. That was Sandstorm and Longtail.

Redtail's transness was why Bluestar gave Dustpaw to him, she could see that Dust was working something out and hoped that Red would help

Dustpelt is genderqueer! He doesn't conform to the expectations of toms for his society; construction is largely a molly activity.

One-eye was a legendary builder in her time. It was a high honor when she came out of retirement to mentor him, when she was nearly 20 years old no less!

Cinderpelt was a lesbian, but there wasn't really anyone in the Clan she was interested in. Meh.

I do want to write a little scene where she goes to BloodClan to learn about mobility devices to help Wildfur, and has an AWOOGA moment at Cody

Leafpool and Mothwing are in love with each other, and look forward to every meeting. But they serve their Clans above all. The yearning.

I am very partial to Daisy x Squirrelflight, loooong in the future, after Squirrelflight has found fulfillment in her family and mentorships.

Conversely the untapped potential of Spiderleg x Bramblestar is unmatched. Nightmare husbands, this is the funniest thing I've ever heard of

Heartbreaking! the worst people you know have gotten gay married

Brokenstar and Runningnose were so gay I don't even have words for it, there's homosexual and then there's whatever the hell is going on over there

"My childhood best friend is a manifested curse and I would do anything for him, so I dedicated my whole life to becoming a more ruthless and brutal asset to serve his wants and desires, rejecting the stars and walking into the netherworld with glee, and only finding that it is hell because he isn't there. When you look between us, it's impossible to tell which of us was the monster, and which was the man, and yet I have never made a choice that I wouldn't make again."

Blackstar was aromantic! Russetfur was his lifelong best friend and partner, her death devastated him

He had flings and friends with benefits, though. Specifically, he's homosexual/aromantic.

Russetfur was gay too, I'm not sure if she ever had a wife though

I haven't drawn her yet but I see her as butch. Also she had large eyebrows.

Rowanclaw, honor sired for Newtspeck, was transtom

His apprentice, Talonclaw, survived the mauling because Smokefall did not die in the mountain this time around! They had a summer wedding

Irony struck when Rowan's kid Tigerheart also ended up being trans, but transmolly

Funny coincidence that everyone around Rowan ends up being queer

Tigerheart, who later becomes Heartstar, was in love with Dovewing from the moment they were apprentices on the Beaver Quest, before she even hatched

Dovewing dated Bumblestripe, even choosing him and ThunderClan over the instability of running off with Tigerheart

But when she got pregnant she SKEDADDLED

Lightleap and Shadowsight are biologically Bumble's, but Heartstar adopted them immediately

Heartstar is incredibly smug about this. "My wife. My kids. Cry about it"

Ivypool went through something similar, in a pretty bad relationship with Blossomfall and eventually getting with Fernsong

Only Fernsong is NOT smug, he's an ex-kittypet who joined during ThunderClan's Tempest and BOY HOWDY did he not want to make waves

But now he's dating the deputy's grandchild (thru Lionblaze), has an angry Blossomfall on his ass, and.... it's worth it lmao, have you seen his wife? Marvelous

He is the Mi of the children, this is the life for him

Thriftear and Plumstone are gay

Over in RiverClan, Hawkfrost and Reedwhisker were an item and were going to get serious... but then, well. Hawkfrost went through TNP and ended up dead.

In SkyClan, Violetshine, Dragonfly, and Tree are a polycule

I'm not quite sure what's going on with Echosong, Leafstar, and Billystorm. But Leaf and Billy are together, and I think Leaf has a thing with Echo. But Echo and Billy are not together, and Echo isn't involved with the kittens.

This isn't a queer thing but Sharptooth's wife Cherrytail was spayed. I think Hawkwing and co were surrogated by Echosong, but I'm not sure yet

But I do know that Cherry did not birth those kittens

Over in WindClan, I combined Jake and Sparrow into one character. Tallstar’s Collapse is reworked into Talltail traveling around with him and his group, until ultimately, he realizes it's not that easy to leave his Clan behind

I want to approach it as a tragedy, that he couldn't stay somewhere he was truly loved and happy

He was raising kids with Jake, two orphans they found. One of them followed him, even though he tried to tell him to stay with Jake and his sibling

That kid becomes Flytail, and then Flylight as an honor title

Sunstrike and Furzepelt are gay, and Furze is going to be an AVOS save thanks to Brushblaze, Breezepelt, Harestar, Heathertail, Crowfeather, and two more cats I haven't picked yet

Speaking of Brushblaze, Leo is an ex-BloodClan trader who joined WindClan to be with Onewhisker

It fell apart and he's been bitter about it ever since

Onestar is a disaaaaaaaster

He had a fling with Firestar before Fire realized he was aromantic, and it never would have worked anyway since Firestar was leading a clan

He always had an excuse for why he wasn't doing PDA with Brush, but while he was going through apprenticeship (despite being a qualified adult cat, very frustrating) Onewhisker was seeing Smoke

I kinda just want to remove Onewhisker having Whitetail as a mate entirely, I already fixed the apprenticeship thing but I kinda just like him having someone honor dam for him and he raised Heathertail alone

And lastly, Firestar

Firestar is totally aromantic.

He honor sired Sandstorm's kittens and raised them with her, because she is a deeply reliable friend and ally. They're in a QPR!

There's definitely a couple I missed (toadnettlepool, Sedgecreek x Greenflower) but that's enough for now

[midnightdevotion]

Reckless

Prompt: One character pulls a muscle, and the other gives a back rub.

Pairing: Tom "Iceman" Kazansky x reader callsign Viper

a/n: I really hope this is cute! I've never written iceman before but hopefully you guys enjoy it!!

Your mother didn't raise a fool, she did however raise someone with absolutely no instinct for survival. It did not matter how risky or how albeit stupid the stunts you pulled were, if you wanted to you were doing it.

This drove Iceman insane, of course, you're a phenomenal pilot possibly better than anyone else at top gun, but god dammit you scare the shit out of iceman every day.

It's not even just in the cockpit of a plane you have no regard for your safety. Just last week, he literally watched as you picked a bar fight with a man that can only be described as three times the size of you. Let's not even mention the heart attack he had when we watched you hang more than halfway out of a car shouting the words to some song like there was no care for the fact that one wrong bump and you'd fall out.

You never notice how iceman is never that far away from you, but every other aviator on the team definitely does. It's clear as day the love Tom has for you. The way he is so protective of you but tries to be nonchalant, or the way his eyes light up when he sees you and your thankfully not injured. The panic in his voice or the worry on his face every time you're doing another reckless thing.

Today is no different for you, of course, you're going to make another reckless decision. Iceman always wakes up with a passing thought of oh god what is going to happen today. He doesn't see you until you are making your way onto the tarmac to do drills.

"Hey, ice! Ready to get that heart racing" You throw a bright grin his way, and what you don't know is his heart is already racing.

"With you Vipes? Anyday" he grins back at you. A snort brings his attention away from your smile, looking over he sees a smug maverick.

"When you just gonna tell her you are in love with her" he hates the smugness in his tone, and he hates that he has been so transparent with his feelings.

"Why dont you fuck off maverick." Tom huffs before trekking over to his plane, hoping for once you don't scare the shit out of him. Alas that would be a hope that doesn't come true.

It's twenty minutes into running drills, you guys are doing great, throwing sarcastic comments and even flirty lines back and forth when all of the sudden you have a bird strike.

It's like iceman can't even breathe, he watches you lose your engines, going through the steps to try and save the plane before yourself. It must have been less than a minute but it feels like it's been an eternity. He can hear his blood rushing as he watches your plane sink lower and lower and he doesn't even register he's the one screaming at you to eject.

"Why aren't you ejecting, stop trying to save the damn plane and just EJECT" iceman shouts, he finally hears you over the comms announcing that you are going to eject and he doesn't even have the chance to exhale because you were definitely to close to the ground when you ejected.

He watched as you barrelled to the ground, hitting it way too hard for you not to be injured.

____

You were getting checked out by the doctors when he landed, he paced the hall outside the infirmary waiting for when he could see you. Why was it taking so damn long, it had been an hour since you had to eject.

After another 20 excruciating minutes, he was finally given the all-clear to come and see you. He was shocked when he saw you sitting up and laughing with the nurse.

"What the fuck were you thinking y/l/n" you looked up shocked to see the rage on Tom's face. He's walking up to you so fast you can't really process much of this at all, doesn't help that you have a concussion.

You think he's gonna yell more, but he immediately starts checking you for injuries.

"Ice...ice.... TOM" it takes several tries to get his attention "I'm fine, I have a mild concussion and the nurse said ill probably be really sore the next week or so." You can visibly see his shoulders react and you are confused.

"Tom, why are you so worried? This is part of the job?" of course he knows this, but goddamn all he wants to do is keep you safe.

"I know! god dammit I know we dont have a safe job! but you're always reckless, if it's not the goddamn job it's something else! I can't lose you y/n I fucking love you" and suddenly time is going slower than it was when he watched you fall out of the sky.

"Jesus Christ it only took me falling out of a plane to get you to say that??" you huff a laugh, and tom is confused because did you know? You must see it on his face because you instantly add "Tom I've loved you for so long but whenever I asked you about dating you always said you weren't interested in dating because you wanted to focus on your career."

He almost screams. How had he been so clueless, he was pining and putting himself through hell because he didn't think you'd want him back. So he did the only logical thing he could think of, and he kissed you.

The kiss was needy, borderline rough, and exactly what you both needed after he almost watched you die. You wanted nothing more than to never stop kissing him but everything hurt.

"As much as I love that we finally get to do this, I am so sore I might actually cry and I just don't think that would make for a good story" you grin sheepishly up at him. You can see the sparkle in his eyes as he laughs, grabbing your shoulders to have you lay down.

"that's totally okay darling, let me give you a massage" You sigh contentedly as he starts to massage your aching muscles.

Yeah being reckless was your trademark way before tom but god damn did you love how protective he was when you were doing something he didn't like. For now, it'll be your little secret that you might put yourself in more reckless situations than necessary just to get his attention.

He watched as you fell asleep, he continued to rub your back not willing to admit that after today he never wanted you out of arms reach again.

Tag list is open!

[limetameta]

Anyone even want to begin to explain why so many Dramione fics are based off of slavery slaver tropes and then an additional BREEDING kink on top of that? I mean joke's on you, I read all of 'em, but the amount of feminism found in Tomione fics is abundantly shown. There's just so much more equality in how they're written. Also, every Tomione I've ever read writes Hermione as cleverer and I love that. Tom is just so unbearably arrogant and gets his just desserts and there's no savior complex in how there is with Dramione and Draco CONSTANTLY saving Hermione from peril, either rape or other kind. Tom Riddle on the other hand hears abt a plot against Hermione goes to save her, and winds up just being backup to Hermione's demolishion show. He is the bi wife husband in all of the fics whether he wants to be or not. Also, it's completely fanon that Draco Malfoy is Hermione's academic rival. Yeah, colour me surprised. So Hermione actually having that banter would be more plausible with Tom.

This isn't me bashing dramione or promoting tomione i'm a tombraxas shipper - but it's just so FUCKING FUNNY to see the difterences clearly shown in these two pairings.

Also the fact that in most of these Dramione stories it's actively shown that Draco had some fetish for Hermione from their Hogwarts days is staggeringly discomforting because he viewed her an object and only then slowly through char development did he begin to see her as a person. Draco respecting Hermione and then loving her is the end goal for Dramione.

Whereas with Tomione, Tom instantly sees Hermione as some sort of threat aka he already does not underestimate her or he stops v quickly. Respect is not the end goal. For him shattering his walls and letting people in is the end goal. Not once does he truly think Hermione stupid or less than a person. Most likely because he grew up around so many women (esp during the 30s and 40s when they had to work traditionally men's jobs and were the sole care takers of the world while the men were off at war) . And Hermione is not sleeping w him or seducing him to survive or because it's forced on her. She is a Femme Fatale. She is here to kill him. Also in a way Hermione's end goal is to let people in and shatter her walls. It's quite cute.

Tom Riddle sees Hermione as a person and then can have all of those uncomfortable feelings (ugh, how dare I feel anything for a lesser mortal human being ughhhhh) because he doesn't need to first go like (oh wow look at that she actually exists as a person and not a filthy mudblood i have been forced into close quarters with due to orders and I am good and I am actually a kind person BUT ONLY after I first stop associating your kind with dogs and such). Tom, on the other hand is having an existential crisis about emotions (mainly cuz he's going thru puberty in most of these time travel hogwarts fics when the draco ones mainly tend to be early to mid 20s)

However the framing of these pairings in terms of Hermione's position are completely inverted. She is a powerful witch turned victim who needs Draco and depends on him until HE gives her the power back to be herself. When with Tom she is a powerful witch with a mission in mind and he feels threatened by her power (as does she by his) until they both get on some equalibrium. Hermione does not lose her agency in Tomione fics. She does not need Tom to piece her back together and send her off into the world.

If anything it's Hermione with a victim saving complex in Tomione fics. But that's on ingrained sexism in media tropes where women tend to be healers and help the misguided terrorist.

All I'm saying is that Dramione Hermione and Tomione Hermione would absolutely not mesh well. D!Hermione would not get one punch in before T!Hermione demolished her.

Next up I'll talk about my fav variation of these: Volmione. Because that pairing in particular takes the worst out of these two and just CRAMS them in together. And i love it.

[wizkiddx]

Blurb req- Tom and the reader on a private jet hungover? just pure fluff?

fluffy requests are well and truly open ( bcos I adored writing this ahah) and let me know what u think , I am deff not a writer so any feedback or tips would be v appreciated :))

summary: tomhollandxactress!reader - a wrap party followed by an early morning flight and a grumpy Harry, what could possibly go wrong?

warning: mentions of alcohol and sickness

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The remorse. The regret. It only made the pounding in your head even worse. Why those two 1.5 litre bottle of Bacardi had been brought out was beyond you. Why the you six of you had then decided to empty said bottle was even more of a mystery. It wasn’t like any of you had needed it, you’d all been more than ‘merry’ prior to the cheap rum and coke. 

Hence the state of you, Tom and Harry as well as your manager Davey and Tom’s team of Rachel and Andrew. All having made very little effort with your appearance - joggers and hoodies all round, with you and Rachel also sporting sunglasses because you were simply smarter than the boys. Thankfully, this wasn’t a big trip that fans knew about, this was you and Tom moving location under cover  - the studios didnt want anybody to know that either of you made a feature in this film, so everything was under the cover of darkness. Which to be honest you were not complaining about. However, you were complaining about the fact the flight had been scheduled to leave at 7 am the night after your wrap party though.

The two of you had just wrapped your most recent and most ambitious movie to date - hence the massive celebrations last night for just surviving and getting it done. It had been the most intense 3 months of your life, there had been times you’d cry for hours on end, times you just wanted to quit fully knowing you’d never be hired again for leaving a multimillion dollar company in the lurch.But you all, somehow, had survived. So celebrations were in order of course but perhaps not as far as you all managed last night?

Your whole convey appeared to have travelled to the airfield in absolute silence, no one particularly fancied hearing anyone else’s voice- which to be honest seemed quite fair. You’d ridden in a car with Tom and Harry, with you resting your head on Tom’s broad shoulder - which had obviously made Harry gag, rolling his eyes. Bless Harry, really he was the only reason you and Tom had got together, after getting sick of the mutual pining he’d been forced to live with during the previous 2 projects you’d worked on together. But now, having had to put up with the two of you being so ridiculously loved up for the past 3 months - understandably a bit of distance from you and his brother was overdue. 

One of the flight attendants busied themselves loading your luggage, whilst the pilot asked you and Tom for a photo. Of course, you weren’t going to say no however you did have to cringe at how rough you both looked. His teenage daughter certainly would be less excited to see that her Dad hadn’t met Tom Holland and Y/n Y/l/n. Instead he’d met the zombified, undead and rougher frauds. Still you smiled as much as you could, wincing when you removed the glasses and the early morning sun pierced your restricted pupils. God it wasn’t your day. 

The guy didn’t seem to mind though, excitedly hurrying off onto the plane to settle in the rest of you - leaving just you and Tom outside on the tarmac. 

“Poor guy, we look like shit.” You murmured while taking a step closer to lean slightly into his side. 

“Speak for yourself love.’Tom snickered into the top of your head, after pulling you completely into his chest. This wasn’t normally allowed, your relationship still wasn’t public and both of you intended on keeping it private for as long as possible. But you were in an otherwise empty field in the middle of nowhere (somewhere in Georgia) before 8 am. It was actually quite nice to feel your boyfriends arms round you in the outside world, especially when you felt this shit. After a few moments you pulled away, arching back at Tom’s pouty face as you motioned it was time to get on the plane. 

“’S too late you know.” Your brows furrowed at his half formed sentence, facial expression only demanding him to explain more. “They all have already taken the good seats… Harry basically sprinted on so he can hog the bed thing.” In response it was your turn to pout, groaning as you fell back into his chest again. Yes, this was a complete first world issue, a private jet paid completely by your bosses was not something a lot would moan about. Truly you were grateful for everything you had in life, but with the worst hangover of your life when the opportunity of lying down for 6 hours instead of being stuck in a chair had manifested itself… well of course you felt robbed by your almost brother Harry. 

Chuckling at your reaction, he gave you an extra squeeze before leading the both of you up the stairs to the cabin. Sure enough Harry had completely and totally claimed the longer couch at the far end of the plane, lying on his stomach with his face hidden in the crook of his elbow. Rolling your eyes at the predictable situation, you didn’t miss Davey laughing at your sorry state - nmaking you throw daggers at him in your eyes. 

Davey was your second father, the relationship between the two of you far transcended any professional working one. Which is why the two of you acting like this was very much a norm and not rude at all. He had also got the next best seat in the corner with the most leg room which he clearly loved to show off. 

Unsurprisingly then you and Tom ended up squashed into the corner with your legs crumpled up together in the small space floor space. The brunette opposite you didn’t seem to mind so much but that was because he had an adaptational advantage. He could sleep anywhere and everywhere , whenever he wanted. On set if he was tired? Just take a ten minute power nap on the floor. Bored of a long car journey? Just conk out against the window. It absolutely infuriated you, as no matter how hard and how exhausted you were - it was rare you could get any further than a light doze. Even before the two go you got together, having a best mate that could skip all the boring bits and was immune to jet lag… you can see how that makes you want to punch him square in the face.

After a short safety talk from the pilot and flight attendant, the plane whirred into life and you were up in the air. Although in your current state, it would be reasonable to assume the beauty of flying had somewhat rubbed off - you were certain it never would. No matter how many flights you took across country ,and in fact continents, for work; you’d never get sick of watching the view below you. It was perfect and breathtaking and took your mind off the pounding in the back of your head for the first 20 minutes.

Until the need for sleep took over as either you need to be unconcious or you were going to vomit - which you really didn’t want to do at 40,000 feet in a tin box. Trying to rearrange your limbs to get comfier you accidentally knocked Tom’s leg rather forcefully, causing him to jump half out his seat, heavy eyes blinking quickly as he tried to get his baring as to what was attacking him - quickly answered by your guilty look. 

“You okay love?” His voice was slurred, sounding almost sleep drunk - but perhaps was just actually still a little drunk. You’d only headed to bead last night at 4 am and had to be up at 6 - which isnt very long for your poor kidneys to try and process the stupid amount of alcohol you’d both  happily been chugging the night before.

“Feel shitty and cant sleep.” You weren’t in the mood to white lie - honestly some sympathy from your beautiful boyfriend seemed like a dream at the moment. Tom’s idea was better though.

“C’mere then.” His arms outstretched, you immediately jumped into his lap - the two of you shifting about to get comfortable till you were sat side on to him, your bum and back leaning against the arm rest of the chair with your legs going over his thighs and pressing against the wall of the plane. Pulling you closer to his chest, Tom took a deep breath as he pressed his chin against the crown of your head; your face now nested into his chest. 

Nothing needed to be said as the two of you melted into each others bodies, the slow and deepening breathing enough to prove to each other you were both incredibly contented in that moment. More than that you felt safe- you’d admitted to Tom some weeks ago that you had never ever slept better than when he was beside you. Yeh it was cringey but sometimes that’s allowed right? 

… well not to Harry. Because as the plane was about to begin it’s descent, the pilot had tasked Harry (who had slept off the worst of the hangover and had spent the last 30 minutes of the flight scoffing at how adorable the two of you looked fast asleep together) - even after Rach had scalded him and had taken a photo of the two of you on her phone. 

Causing Harry to ,ever subtly, wake the two of you up by throwing his half empty water bottle over your heads. 

Safe to say, Harry very nearly didn’t leave that jet alive.

[falcqns]

Over Again

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader, Sebastian Stan x Reader

Summary: Part two to To Be So Lonely. You work with Tom again, and is forced to face Henry.

Warnings:

A/N: Here’s part two! Hope you enjoy!

Said I'd never leave her

'Cause her hands fit like my t-shirt

Tongue-tied over three words, cursed

Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt

Bodies intertwined with her lips

The next few years with you and Sebastian went great. Both you and Sebastian had issued a statement discussing what had happened, as well as Henry. The media was all over it for a few weeks, but eventually, it died down. Henry was able to maintain his role on The Witcher, but you had heard that things between him and production were a little tense. He hadn’t made any more movies, and rarely appeared at public events, such as award shows. You felt bad for the way he was being treated, but Sebastian reassured you that its what he deserved.

You and Sebastian had gotten married, and had a 2 year old daughter named Lerae Georgeta Stan. You continued to work, doing big projects such as a few Marvel movies, and quite a few Tom Cruise movies. When Tom called you and asked if you wanted to be in the new Mission Impossible, you said yes. He had told you that Henry would be appearing well, but you insisted everything would be fine. Henry had seemed very remorseful the last few years, and you weren’t one to hold grudges. You’d have scenes with him, but Tom assured you there would always be another person in the scene with you at least.

Sebastian was happy for you, of course, but he was still nervous. You understood his nervousness, and when he asked if him and Lerae could come with you, you agreed. You hadn’t ever left your daughter, and you weren’t planning on it anytime soon. You didn’t want to be one of those ‘celebrity moms’ who never see their children.

You arrived in England a few weeks after getting the role, and you, Seb, and Lerae found an apartment which was close to the set, and planned to come to set whenever they could. Seb still wanted Lerae to experience a normal childhood, and explore London, so he planned on taking her out to do “Daddy - Daughter” activities in the city.

You had arrived on set the first day of shooting, without your husband and daughter. They were supposed to come, but Lerae threw a huge tantrum the night before out of pure exhaustion, so Sebastian decided it would be best to keep her home for the day, so you were on your own. You had worked with some of your co stars before, and the ones you hadn’t worked with, you had met previously. Working with Tom Cruise had its benefits. You didn’t see Henry, but everyone else was there.

Now she's feeling so low since she went solo

Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo

And it's no joke to me

So can we do it all over again?

Just as you were finishing up in Hair and Makeup, Henry walked through the door. Every one said hello to him, but you just gave him a nice smile, to which he didn’t return, his eyes averting to the ground. Everyone was finished a few minutes later, and then it was just you, Henry, and the hair and makeup artists. You were about to say hello to him, when your phone rang. You answered, and your heart dropped.

“I have to go back to the States today,” Sebastian said, and you heard him sniffle. Your eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“What? Why?” You asked.

He sighed before talking. “Apparently a good 20 minutes of footage is unusable because the files on the camera card corrupted, so I have to go back to reshoot. I’m so sorry.” Sebastian said, and you heard him breaking down over the phone, and your daughter asking why her daddy was crying.

“Sweetheart,” You said gently, and noticed Henry’s face get even sadder. “It’s okay. Bring Lerae here, and you head back. I can manage her on my own for a few days, okay?” You said, and Sebastian calmed down.

“O-Okay. I’ll bring her in about an hour.” He said, and you nodded.

“Sounds good. How long will you be gone?”

“Only about a week. I’m just feeling bad because we just got here,a dan now I have to leave you alone to parent in a whole new country while shooting a movie.” He explained, and you chuckle. “We’ll survive. We’ve had weeks alone before, dont worry, okay?”

“Okay.” Sebastian said. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Okay. Te iubesc,” You said.

“Și eu te iubesc,” He responded, and he hung up.

Your hair and makeup was finished soon after, and you headed out of the trailer. Henry’s eyes followed you out, but didn’t say anything. You walked over to Tom and explained the situation, to which he was very understanding.

Not too much later, Sebastian sent you a text saying he was here, and you walked over to meet him at the entrance to set. His eyes were still red and puffy, and Lerae was clinging to him for dear life, obviously afraid of the big burly security guards.

“Hi sweetie,” You said, and your daughter reached out for you. “Hi, Mama,” She said, before she pressed a kiss to your cheek.

“Hi other sweetie,” You said as you turned to Sebastian, who smiled as well. “Hi baby,” he said. He gave you a sweet kiss, and handed you Lerae’s diaper bag. She was mostly potty trained, but did tend to have accidents sometimes, just like a normal two year old. Seb then wrapped his arms around you, and pulled you into his chest. Lerae giggled, and rested her head on his chest too.

“We’ll be okay, my love,” You whispered, and he nodded.

“I know. I just worry sometimes.” He said and you nodded. “It’s okay.”

He sniffled again and pulled you two closer. “I should go, or I’m going to miss my flight, but I’ll call you when I land, okay?” He promised, and drew your lips in for a kiss, which made Lerae gag. “Ew, Dada!” She exclaimed, hiding her face behind her Winter Soldier bear. Sebastian chuckled, and lifted her out of your arms.

“be good for mama, okay? Dada will be back on Sunday,” He said, and she nodded. “I pwomise Dada. I be good.” Sebastian smiled, and hugged her to his chest. He pressed kisses on her cheek, which she returned, and then she was handed back to you. The three of you said your goodbyes, and you two watched as Sebastian walked away.

“Okay, honey. We’re going to go to my trailer and play there until Mama has to go film.” You explained as she wiggled out of your embrace to walk on her own. “Otay Mama. I see Uncle Tom?” She asked, as she gripped your hand and you two made your journey to the trailers. “Yes honey, we can go see Uncle Tom in a little bit.” She nodded, and you watched as she gazed around at the buildings on set. She had been on set’s before, but she was always so interested. You and Sebastian had a suspicion that she is a star in the making.

You two passed the makeup trailer just as Henry was coming out, and you smiled at him. He gave you a sad smile in return and retreated to his trailer to wait to be called to set. You two walked inside your own trailer, and Lerae climbed up on the couch to take her shoes off.

The two of you were able to stay in the trailer for a few more hours, her colouring, and you rehearsing lines, before a PA knocked on your door and told you they needed you on set in 20 minutes. You got changed into your costume, and Lerae gasped as she saw what you were wearing. You had a yellow sundress with white flowers on it, with matching yellow ballet flats.

She scrambled up, and gave you a hug. “You so pwetty, Mama.” Your heart melted and you lifted up your little girl. “Thank you, baby. Let’s get out shoes on and head to set, okay? We get to see Uncle Tom!” Lerae giggled, and slid out of your grasp. She got her shoes on and gripped her “Bucky Bear” in her hands, and followed you out.

You were reminding her that when the cameras are rolling, she has to be quiet, and sit in your chair nicely, when she squealed. You looked up, and saw Henry. “Mama! Supaman!” She exclaimed, and your stomach flipped. “Yeah, baby, that is Superman. Maybe if you’re nice enough, he’ll say hi to you,” And she nodded with a determined look on her face.

Henry noticed you, and then his eyes drifted down to Lerae. He smiled, and gave her a wave. She then decided to take off running to go say hello to one of her favourite superhero’s. You followed after her, and smiled when Henry finally talked to you.

“Hi, Y/N,” He said, giving you a tentative smile.

“Hey. Listen, you don’t have to walk on eggshells around me. It’s been 3 years since then, and we’ve all moved on. I’m sorry for what my friends did to your career. I never wanted that to happen.” You said, and he smiled warmly.

“Thanks. And, you don’t have to apologize. What I did was horrible, and I deserved what happened. I don’t blame you, or anyone. I was actually hoping to a police to Sebastian about what happened, but I guess he left,” He said, glancing down at your daughter who had her face smushed against his leg, and gazing around the room.

“He’ll be back Sunday. He feels really bad too, so I think you two talking it out is the best thing.” Henry nodded, just before Tom came up and scooped up his niece.

“Hey, you two. We’re about to start. I’ll watch her.” He mentioned, while tickling her belly, and you thanked him, before moving to start filming.

If you're pretending from the start

Like this with a tight grip

Then my kiss can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

The rest of the week went well, with Lerae glued to Henry. You two hadn’t had a moment alone to actually talk, but Michelle and Rebecca came into your trailer and insisted that they could watch your daughter so you could go talk to him.

You knocked on his trailer door, and heard a faint ‘come in!’, so you entered. He smiled at you as he was petting Kal, who ran up to you.

“I was hoping to actually talk to you about what happened.” You said and Henry nodded. “Me too.”

You sat down on the couch, and pet Kal, while Henry sat next to you. You took a deep breath before speaking. “I’m really sorry. If I had known how you were feeling, I wouldn’t have mentioned it, or at least brought it up in a different way. And I definitely wouldn’t have talked about him as much as I did. I was just in love, and wanted to tell everyone about him,” You said and Henry nodded.’

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I guess I built up how our first meeting would go in my head, and then I got angry when it went in a completely different way. Sebastian told me how excited you were to work with me, and on The Witcher, and I instantly felt bad. I wanted to come and apologize but you were gone, and the damage was already done.” He said, his eyes down cast.

You scrunched up your eyebrows. “How bad was it after?” You asked.

Henry looked up at you. “I got screamed at. By everyone. Anya, Freya, Joey, Lauren, and Director, everyone. Anya, Freya and Joey didn’t talk to me for a god two months afterwards, and everyone else was extremely harsh on me. My agent and manager said they had never seen someone act the way I did, and that they were considering dropping me. Thankfully, they didn’t, but it was very tense for a while. I’ve never seen my parents more angry at me. I honestly thought they were going to disown me. Once I had made my statement, I couldn’t find work. Until this movie, I was relying solely on The Witcher for income. Which, is okay while were filming, but the cheques aren’t as big after filming wraps. I thought for sure that I’d lose this role too when you found out, but I’m very thankful that I didn’t.”

You smiled sadly. “I don’t hold grudges. You’ve changed, I’ve changed, and everyone’s moved on. We’re all good. And don’t worry too much about talking to Sebastian. Knowing him, he’s going to try to apologize for getting me first,” You joked, and Henry laughed.

“You two seem happy. Sometimes I wonder if we could have been that happy,” he remarked sadly, and you nodded.

“Maybe in another life. But, we’ll never know.” You said, and Henry smiled.

“I’m just happy that we can be friends,” He said. “You’re daughter seems amazing. What’s her name?” He asked, as he gazed out the window where she was playing tag with Rebecca and Michelle.

“Her name’s Lerae. It means ‘strong and brave’, which she is. She was born two months premature, and she fought like hell the entire time.” You explained, your eyes drifting to her. She was running around, her blue eyes reflecting off the sun. You could see so much of Sebastian in her.

“She’s the real superhero. Not me,” Henry said and you chuckled.

“Sebastian says the same thing.”

You'll never know how to make it on your own

And you'll never show weakness for letting go

I guess it's still hard if the seed's sown

But, do you really want to be alone?

The film went smoothly after that. Sebastian arrived on Sunday, and him and Henry had a good talk, which resulted in them making plans to go to a Rugby game with some of Henry’s friends. After that game, they became really good friends. Chris and Anthony forgave him as well, and the four of them were great friends.

Lerae loved her Uncle Henry, and she loved Kal. Her daddy may be a Marvel hero, but she always had a soft spot for Superman. Henry remained involved in her life. He came to every birthday party, every dance recital, and eventually every movie premier when she grew up. He got her her first acting job at the age of 7, on The Witcher. After that, she was hooked.

You and Sebastian stayed together through everything. You gave him a son, named James Anthony Stan, when Lerae was 4. The two were inseparable, much like you and Sebastian.

Even though you and Henry remained friends, he always loved you. You’d notice it sometimes, wether it be in the way he looked at you when he thought you didn’t notice him looking, or the way he treated your children. Sometimes it wasn’t as noticeable, and you’d think it faded, but then you’d catch his eye in the right light and you saw it again.

The love.

If you're pretending from the start

Like this with a tight grip

Then my kiss can mend your broken heart

I might miss everything you said to me

And I can lend you broken parts

That might fit like this

And I will give you all my heart

So we can start it all over again

[wannabemobwife]

Guns, Glamour, Goodfellas - Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Make You Feel My Love

Dad!Mob!Tom x Mom!Mob!Reader

-Pairings: Tom Holland x Reader, Rosie Holland x Henry Osterfield

-Warnings: Amnesia, Sadness, Language, Fluff, Dialogue, Typos

-Words: 6.6K

A/n: Sorry this chapter is long. Heads up, always a lot of dialogue. I get tired of only writing imagery lol. Thanks for reading, I love all your comments so dearly.

Chapter 12: Make You Feel My Love

Words: 6.6K

Everyone’s faces stood emotionless. More than a deer caught in headlights, there was no expression. Tom’s jaw slacked open, standing heartbroken in front of you. How could you not remember him?

After everything he couldn’t even hold you in his arms. No words could describe the room. You had just woken up and said 3 measly words that rewrote history.

“Who are you?” You questioned.

“What?” Tom gasped, his eyes starting to water.

“I don’t know who you are. Where am I?… Who are you people?” You fretted, confused to why you were lying into a hospital bed surrounded by strangers.

“Mom? It’s me. Roo,” Rosie stammered, moving to grab your hand but you just flinched away.

“Harry go get the doctor,” Nikki called out.

“No, I don’t know who you people are. Please get out.”

“Y/N it’s me?” Tom pleaded.

“Who’s Y/N?”

“You, darling,” Tom whispered. Was this all real? It had to be some sick joke.

“No, no! I suggest you all leave. Please, just leave me alone,” you asserted, pressing the nurse call button.

“Mrs. Holland what seems to be the problem?” asked the nurse.

“Who’s Mrs. Holland? I don’t know where I am or why I’m here or who these people are,” you fretted, heart rate starting to spike.

“You don’t recognize anyone here?” Pestered on the nurse.

“No, maybe the young boy and girl, but no,” Tears flooded Rosie and Parker’s eyes.

“Mrs. Holland you’re awake,” called the doctor, Harry brought in.

“Why do people keep calling me that?” You questioned angrily.

“She can’t remember anyone, doctor,” explained the nurse.

“Why don’t we clear out the room and I’ll speak to you all privately outside,” the doctor announced.

“It seems she is suffering retrograde amnesia. It is possibly temporary. You need to talk to her but be careful not overwhelm her. She will feel like her entire life passed her by because she can’t remember it. For now, only a few people in the room. May I suggest her husband and her kids,” explained the doctor.

“What do you mean it might be temporary? She might not ever remember her entire life?” Tom inquired.

“It is uncertain, but yes. Mr. Holland, we are very hopeful that her memory will come back. For now take it slow, showing her photos of you together can help greatly,” concluded the doctor.

“Dad, will mom ever remember me?” Rosie asked teary-eyed.

“I don’t know, baby.”

“Now, come on. We just have to be patient with her.”

“Ok, dad. I’m ready,” said Rosie, trying to hide her tears.

“Parker? Are you with us?” Tom inquired.

“I know she doesn’t remember me but, I don’t want her to see me and not know who I am. If she doesn’t remember me then who am I? I owe my entire life to mom. I don’t understand how she just forgot 16 years of my life,” Parker lamented.

“Hey, we just need to patient. One thing you need to have is faith. That’s all we had waiting to be rescued. Hope, hope that we would see you and your sister again.”

“I’m scared, dad.”

“I know me too. But we have to do this for mom. Ok?” Tom admitted. Parker just nodded in response. They made their way into your room, standing by the foot of your bed.

“Hi, let’s start over. I am Tom. You are Y/N. I am your husband. Your name is Y/N Holland,” Tom began. “This is our son, Parker. He is 16 years old, along with his twin sister. This is our daughter, Rosie….We just want to let you know we will be here for you. Through everything, we want to help you remember if you will let us.”

“Okay,” you whispered. That was the first step, having people to support you.

You were soon discharged a few days later. All set to travel back to London, the home you once knew. Back to the life you shared little to no importance for. All the things you once loved, lost in translation.

The plan ride was painfully long. Tom had yet to hold you in his arms. After watching the life drain out of you, waiting for someone to come, he just wanted to hold you and love you. Let you know you are safe.

He watched as you sat there a few seats away from him. The spark in your eyes non-existent. He didn’t know how to call you over there his when you couldn’t remember him. Almost 20 years of being together, down the drain. He just wanted you back.

Not being able to hug you or hold you or whisper sweet nothings in your ear was killing him. He felt like a recovering drug addict experiencing the process of withdrawal. Everything hurt inside, knowing you forgot him. It was so unfair. How could you survive the helicopter crash but not recognize your own family? You were a shell, a husk of the person you used to be.

Jared, was the one to pick you all up from the airport. The plane ride was nothing compared to the awkwardness of the car ride. You had always been very close with Tom’s staff. William and Jared specifically because you’d see them the most. Jared used to be more your driver but, Tom snatched him up after he saw how close you two were getting. He couldn’t help but be jealous.

You sat next to Tom, almost like a statue. You didn’t know how you were supposed to act. Pulling up to the manor, you were a combination of terrified and astounded. Terrified and astounded at the sheer size and security measures taken.

“Tom, did you pay for the cab?” You asked, hopping out of the car.

“Darling, this is our car. This is our driver, Jared. You two are close,” Tom explained.

“Oh, sorry. Jared it’s nice to meet you,” you waved to him.

“We’ve met before, but it’s nice to see you Y/N,” Jared said, trying to address the elephant in the room.

“Right, sorry.”

“No need to apologize, ma’am.”

“Love, why don’t I make you a cup of tea and you can relax in the living room? The plane ride probably wore you out. However, I know Parker and Rosie have something planned,” Tom interjected.

“Ok, tea would be good,” you responded, walking to the mansion.

“Where’s the living room?” You questioned, afraid you will get lost.

“Oh, it’s ok darling. I’ll take you there,” Tom said, leading the way.

Being here, seemed like an out of body experience. The only thing you knew about yourself was what people told you.

“Here mom. I-I mean Y/N. Please come sit. These are a bunch of photo albums and scrapbooks about our lives. Maybe showing you them will bring something back.”

“Ok… You could call me mom. I don’t mind,” Rosie just nodded in response.

“Look this picture is of your wedding day. It was at this really pretty garden. I wish I could’ve been there,” Rosie reminisced.

“You weren’t?” You asked, confused at her remark.

“No, Parker and I weren’t born yet.”

“Oh, is that you?” You asked, gently raising a finger to a picture captured a perfect moment in time. Parker had just gotten out of a bath and was running naked through the house, he had to be about three or four years old.

“No, that’s Parker,” Rosie remarked.

“Here’s a photo of me. It’s the first day of kindergarten.” Rosie pulled out a photo of her dressed in a blue dress with pink bows in her hair, one on each side hugging her pigtails.

She stood in front of a large gate along with Parker, holding their tin lunch boxes high. Rosie’s lunchbox was a homage to My Little Pony and Parker’s was Transformers. They were all grown up, no longer spending the days with you while Tom worked.

“I’m crying, why?” You questioned, seeing yourself adorned with red puffy eyes in the photo.

“I don’t know, maybe you didn’t want to leave me or Parker,” Rosie explained but was soon cut off by a large clash coming from the kitchen. CRASH, CLANG, THWAP.

“What was that?” You asked, a little startled by the noise.

“I don’t know, I’m going to go check on something. Feel free to keep looking at them.”

You flipped through the countless pages adorned with family photos that documented the milestones. It killed you that you couldn’t remember. You were said to be their mother and if you were anything like your mother, you loved them till it was too much and kissed them and held them. You loved them more than life itself but couldn’t remember why.

About 12 pages in, there was a photo of you in the hospital holding a baby. The caption read “my little Roo.” It was of you and Rosie shortly after she was born. She looked so small, so delicate. Her skin was pale with a hint of rose colored cheeks. The little baby girl in your arms was wrapped in a pink cloth with a pink colored beanie on her head.

She was sleeping so peacefully and you just had the biggest smile imagined on your face. You brought this little girl into the world and couldn’t remember that moment. What own mother can’t remember her baby? Tears pricked at your eyes as you gazed into the picture.

“Dinner is almost ready—Love, what’s wrong why are you crying?” Tom said, coming out of the kitchen.

“I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to any of you,” you cried, letting the tears fall.

“Hey, it’s ok. We are here for you,” Tom whispered, grabbing a hold of your hands.

“I’m still sorry, I don’t remember anything.”

“It’s not your fault. It will come with time,” Tom said, only holding your hands. His main goal was to not overwhelm you and pulling you into a warm embrace may be too much too soon.

“You’re right. I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. What’s for dinner, smells great?” You said, quickly changing the subject.

“Your favorite and specialty so we can’t guarantee it will be as good as you make it but, spaghetti and meatballs,” Tom joked.

“Ok, I’m sure it will be lovely.”

Everyone was dealing with your amnesia differently. Parker would take you on special outings to places you loved and Rosie could barely stand to be in the same room with you. Your sweet and affectionate girl couldn’t as much give a real smile. The only time you spent with her was when she showed you the photo albums. Something clicked in her when you didn’t recognize her in the photo of you holding her a for the first time. Rosie proceeded to cry herself to sleep that night, she couldn’t handle you not recognizing her.

As time progressed it had gotten too hard for Rosie to be around you. Looking at you just reminded her of all the things she had lost. She would stay in her room from dawn till dusk, refusing to see or talk to anyone. Rosie shut everyone out, including Henry. He’d come by quite a lot, begging to see Rosie.

“Hi, can I help you?” You said, answering the door.

“I’m Henry, Harrison’s son and Rosie’s boyfriend,” Henry explained.

“Oh. Sorry I can’t remember anything. Were we close?” You inquired, yet another person you have disappointed by not knowing your own life.

“Yeah, you and Tom were a big part in raising me, aside from my dad. I love you like a son would loved his mother.”

“I’m sorry, I’ll work on it. But I believe Rosie is upstairs, come in,” you responded, inviting the boy in.

“Thanks,” Henry said, quickly making his way upstairs. “Roo, it’s me. I’m coming in,” He said whilst knocking on her door.

“Henry what are you doing here?” Rosie asked, trying to hide her tears.

“You weren’t returning any of my phone calls.”

“There is a reason for that,” Rosie snapped, building a wall that Henry was bound to knock down.

“Hey, I’m here. Talk to me. Talk to me about your mom,” Henry whispered, coming to Rosie’s side.

“What’s there to talk about? She doesn’t remember me. She was my best friend and she doesn’t even know who I am!” Rosie yelled. Needing to let out all her emotions in one single blow.

“Hey, it’s ok. I’m here,” Henry assured.

“Henry, I just want to be alone right now. Could you please leave?” Rosie begged.

“No, I won’t let you push me away. I’m here to help.”

“I want you to go,” Rosie demanded.

“No.” Henry said, holding his ground.

“I’m serious Henry, leave.”

“No, Rosie you need someone to talk to.”

“Can you get out and leave me the fuck alone?” She screamed, this time being pushed over the edge. Flailing her arms back and forth in anger.

“No. I’m not leaving,” Henry knew she needed him, he couldn’t leave anytime soon.

“Really? I’m here screaming at you and you are still here. Why?” All her anger drifted only leaving her sadness. She fell into his arms, breaking from the weight of pain, sobbing.

“Yes, because I love you and I’m staying for you,” Henry reassured. He knew Rosie would need this. Someone who promised to never leave.

“Henry, what do we do if she never remembers? I’m not ready for that. It’s like losing my mom even though she is still alive. All those fun memories of shopping or baking or just talking, gone. I don’t know who I am without her.”

“Rosie, you have to look on the bright side.”

“What’s the fucking bright side? There is none. We took her to all her favorite places today and she still doesn’t remember. There is no fucking bright side!”

“Roo.”

“I lost her. I lost her but she is still here. I’m lucky right? She’s still here living and breathing, but she doesn’t know who I am,” Rosie lamented. “Henry, I love you to pieces but I just need to be alone right now.” Pleading for him to leave, she wished he could stay and comfort her but nothing could do that right now.

“Baby, I don’t want to leave you so upset,” Henry whispered.

“Please. I’m begging you, just go.”

Rosie, didn’t mean to push Henry away. But she couldn’t help it. She needed to release her frustrations out on someone, but there was no one. There was no one to blame for the crash or the loss of your memory. It was all an accident. Henry knew her well enough, where he knew what she needed before she did herself. He already lost Rosie once and promised himself he wouldn’t again.

Parker was the opposite of Rosie, not consumed by his sadness, he was looking for a solution. Anything that could help bring back your memory. He had been taking you to your favorite places around the city. The beach, the library, a coffee shop, and a park you always you took Parker and Rosie to as kids.

To no end, he couldn’t and wouldn’t give up. He couldn’t leave you stuck in that misery. He approached Tom with something that might work.

“Dad, I have an idea. I thought we should create a memory for her.”

“Ok, that might work. Any memory in mind?”

“I was thinking your wedding day,” Parker explained. Tom just nodded in response with a smirk strewn across his face.

Tom was willing to try anything to get you back. It a been a few weeks from the crash and he’s so scared of terrifying you or being too forward. He won’t even lay a hand on your shoulder to comfort you, in case you get scared.

Even though he had yet to hold you once again, Tom refused to leave your side, in case having him around so much would bring your memories back. Have them all come flooding back.

Tom just wanted you by his side. You were sleeping in your bedroom and Tom was in the guest room. Feeling like nothing had changed. It was the same before the accident, you barely acknowledging Tom and Tom sleeping elsewhere. Granted it wasn’t because you were mad at him, it was worse, you couldn’t remember him.

The nights were different, half way through the night you would wake up. Scared wide awake from nightmares that plagued your mind. One night you found Tom taking down a big bottle of scotch by the fireplace.

“What are you doing up?” You asked,

“Drinking,” he said rather harshly, you just brushed it off though.

“Oh, the fireplace is really lovely. I could just read a book out here for hours.”

“You used to. I’d find you asleep in front of the fireplace all the time.” Tom chuckled, reliving those memories.

“Oh, sorry.”

“Y/N! It’s not your god damm fault. STOP FUCKING APOLOGIZING!!!” Tom screamed, chucking his glass at the wall. It shattered into a thousand tiny pieces much how his heart was now.

“Ok, I’m sor—, I just came down for some water. Good night,” you said, trying to mask the tears about to fall. Reverting back to the catatonic emotionless person you’ve been lately.

“Y/N wait!” Tom called after you but you were already gone. This was a side of Tom you’d never met. The old you had and learned to deal with it but it was completely different now.

It was scary, Tom reacting like that. You quickly got your water and made your way back upstairs. If he had that much pent up anger, you were worried he would take it out on you. You didn’t know what to think, everyone were stranger to you and you were a stranger to this life and family.

Coming back to bed, you locked your door and tried to fall back into blissful sleep but it was hard. You stared at the ceiling for quite a while. Begging to go to sleep and wash away this entire night. Tom came to knock on your door about an hour later.

“Y/N. I’m sorry, let me explain myself,” he said, through the thick wooden door.

“I guess you’re asleep by now. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, sweet dreams sweetheart,” Tom whispered, going back to his bed in the guest room. You couldn’t find the will to get up and talk to him.

You came down for some morning coffee, hoping you wouldn’t see Tom. You were scared of the man presumed to be your husband. In truth, you didn’t know anything about him. Only what people had told you. It took you hours to fall asleep after his outburst.

“Oh, you’re up. Y/N could I talk to you?” He asked, coming into view.

“Sure,” you responded. Who are you to say no?

“I’m sorry for my outburst last night. Everything is just so frustrating, nothing you did, ok?” Tom apologized.

“Ok.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I’m really sorry. I know you don’t know it but I love you so much and at a time, you loved me just the same. I need you to know that I have never physically hurt you or will in the future.”

“Ok. Thank you. I know you don’t like me saying it but I really am sorry. This shouldn’t be happening, you should be able to love your wife.”

“I do love you,” Tom assured.

“Tom, I’m not the same person and you know it. There’s nothing I can do, it’s just the way it is and I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m not the person you fell in love with,” you exclaimed.

“You don’t have to be sorry. You are here, trying to remember for all of us. That’s all that matters,” Tom said, made at himself that you even thought those things.

“Thank you….Could you tell me more about me, I mean the person I was before?” You asked.

“Yeah, darling. I’d love that,” Tom agreed.

“Ok, start with how we met.”

“Well..” Tom started and went on to tell the story of how you met.

Tom was set to meet someone new, a future contact possibly. He was supposed to meet with their assistant to take him to them. He was given strict instructions on what to look for, she would be dressed in a gold mini dress, hair down. Unbeknownst to him, you were the person he was meeting. The most feared mob boss, next to who you had a meeting with, the one and only Tom Holland.

“Hey doll face, I’m here to meet with your boss. Someone they call the Ace of Spades,” Tom said, cornering you at the bar. “Oh, really. Do they know what this is concerning?” you said, smirking. “I should hope so. Can you just take me to him?” Tom demanded. “Certainly, right this way.” You were so ready to eat this guy alive. You lead him to a back room with a bar and large round table. “Wait, there’s no one in here. We’ve been set up,” Tom yelled, alerting Harrison behind him. “What do you mean? There’s you and me, also your consigliere I presume. Why don’t you tell him to back off?” “Alright enough with your games. Where is he?” Tom barked, growing more frustrated by the second “I’m right here, doll face,” you said, in a mocking manner. “Pleasure to meet your acquaintance, I’m Y/N Y/L/N or do you know me as the Ace of Spades,” you sneered, holding out your hand for him to shake.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I was misinformed, well they’re dead. Why don’t I buy you a drink after to make it up to you?” Tom said, he has never been caught off guard before. Barely keeping his cool.

“How about we finish our business here and then you and I go get something to eat, just you and me without your puppy dog, then we call it even,” you smirked, referring to Harrison who always stood so close to Tom.

“How could I say no to having dinner with the most gorgeous woman in the room,” Tom grinned.

“Smooth talker I see, but I’m the only woman the room,” you pointed out

“Doesn’t matter, doesn’t change what I said,” Tom chuckled.

He was starstruck just being in your presence. You were a force to be reckoned with. For him and you it was love at first acquaintance. Couldn’t of been sight because he thought you were a completely different person.

But once he formally met you, he was whipped. The rest is history.

You and Tom talked the day away. Living through your life like you were reading a book or watching a play. The night soon fell and you bid good night.

It was a regular night, but ever since Tom exploded you started to have nightmares. Being jolted out of sleep, trying to catch your breath. One night Tom heard you screaming, he rushed in to check on you.

“Y/N? Darling, are you okay?” Tom asked, concerned after being woken up by your screams.

“I keep having these horrible nightmares,” you choked out, shaking with fear.

“What are they about? You can talk to me.”

“One where I was trapped inside a huge room, tied to a chair. There were scary looking men saying they were gonna kill me, however I couldn’t speak. Like it hurt to speak,” you explained. Tom knew about your common theme with nightmares, unable to make any sound.

He just believed it was because you tried to repress thoughts like that. However, this wasn’t a nightmare, it was a memory. He was trying so hard to suppress his smile. Knowing you were starting to remember things even if it was trauma. It made him hopeful.

“Shhh, it’s was just a dream. It’s ok. I’m here now… can hug you?”

“Mmhm,” you nodded having him pull you into his warm embrace. “It felt so real though. Didn’t you say we were in a helicopter crash?”

“Yes, we were. Do you remember that?”

“I don’t know. My nightmares feel more like memories. I remember the feelings I had, like I felt pain and weak.”

“Well, try and go back to sleep. Just remember they are only figments of your imagination,” Tom said, he was torn between wanting you to remember everything and not scarring you.

“Tom, could you sleep with me tonight?” you asked, not wanting to be alone.

“Yes of course, darling.”

Tom climbed into bed and you moved closer to him. Snuggling right into his side and nuzzling your head by his neck. He rubbed soft circles into your arm as you dozed off. Feeling your soft breaths on his neck as he fell into deep sleep. He finally got to hold you.

Just for a moment, everything was right again. You were his and he had no intentions of letting you go. You felt safe with him, like you were home.

You woke up to a blinding light from the crack in the curtains.

“Tommy, the blinds it so bright…. Screw it. I’m up, can I bring you some breakfast?… What?” You asked, confused as to why Tom was gazing at you with a puzzled expression.

“You called me Tommy,” Tom croaked out.

“I did,” you said, confidently.

“Y/N, do you remember me?”

“Is this a weird game? Of course I remember you, you’re my husband,” you chuckled, playing off his antics.

“Quick, what happened last week?”

“Our helicopter crashed, but we were rescued. I don’t really remember how we got home but, here we are. You were right, we made it. I remember the moments leading up to being rescued, you holding me.”

“Kids come quick!” Tom shouted, loud enough to wake up the entire house.

“What’s going on?” Rosie came in, scared something happened.

“Tom, what are you doing?” You queried.

“Ask her,” Tom said.

“Who am I?” Parker asked, hoping you were his mom again.

“You guys are so weird. You’re Parker, my son. And you are Rosie, my daughter.”

“Mom, I’ve missed you so much,” Rosie shouted, throwing herself into your arms and sobbing.

“Oh, honey. I never left,” you signed, caressing the back of her head.

“I know, but the helicopter crash, I was so scared,” Rosie sniffled.

“Tom, why are you looking at me like that?” You questioned, catching a glimpse of pure adoration streaked across his face.

“Oh, nothing. I just love you, more anything.”

“I love you too…. Parker you’ve been awfully quiet.”

“I missed you mom,” Parker chimed in.

“I missed you too. Ok, I’m really confused, did I go somewhere? Someone fill me in,” you proclaimed.

“Well darling, our helicopter crashed on our way back from Barcelona—” Tom began.

“Yeah, and we’re ok,” you nodded.

“You are now. We were both badly injured and didn’t know if we would make it. You lost your memory. You didn’t know who any of us were,” Tom finished, his tone growing softer.

“What? I-I forgot all of you?” You gasped, your voice breathy.

“It’s ok, love. You’re back now, that’s all that matters,” Tom encouraged.

“Parker? Rosie?” You exclaimed.

“You looked at us and didn’t know who we were,” Parker mumbled.

“Oh babies, I’m sorry,” you whispered on the verge of tears.

“Y/N listen to me, it’s not your fault. Love, it’s ok. You are here now,” Tom reassured. “Kids why don’t you go make mom some tea,” Tom said, needing to talk with you alone.

“Alright dad,” Parker agreed, taking Rosie along with him.

“Y/N? Darling, talk to me,” he said, watching you beat yourself up inside. You head hanging lowly in your hands.

“How could I not remember them?” You cried.

“It was just your mind playing tricks on you. It’s ok.”

“It’s not okay. I put you through all of that.”

“Not on purpose darling.”

“Tom, I have something to get off my chest.”

“Yes, love.”

“I really thought I was going to die. But you were there and you saved me. You brought me back to them, thank you,” you recounted.

“Oh, baby. I was never going to just let you die. There was a moment where I looked over a battered body leaning against me after the crash. Your eyes were closed and I had accepted that you were gone. At that moment, I vowed I’d go too,” Tom concluded.

“Tom, they couldn’t lose both of us.”

“I know, I’m just glad they didn’t lose either of us.”

“I’m sorry.”

“For what, darling?”

“For everything. Our fight. Giving in you a hard time in Barcelona. I love you so much, Tom. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” you cried, letting yourself be completely vulnerable with him once again.

“Hey, you're not going to lose me. I believe it’s the other way around. I can’t live without you and I don’t want to, ever,” Tom said, smashing his lips on yours. God, how he missed you.

And with that, Tom had got his girl back, you. Your lips entangled with his was exactly what he needed. You were back. The love of his life and mother of his children. You were you again with the same spark in your eyes.

Something flipped in your head like a switch during the night. After falling asleep in his arms you dreamt of your life. Almost like a movie played in your head showcasing all the greatest memories.

Parker and Rosie’s first steps, the kids’ 5th birthday, the day you told Tom you were pregnant with twins, Tom’s proposal and so much more. Your memories are what made you who you were, even the bad ones.

All the fights and near death experiences came flooding back. But it wasn’t a feeling of drowning or being held down by the weight, begging for air. It was a feeling of renewal like the water had washed away all the pain and sins. Leaving faint stains of bad memories to be remembered for another day but never forgotten.

Tom brought you back. He was your anchor to the life you once knew. Resting in Tom’s arms felt like home. You knew you were safe.

“It’s so good to have you back in my arms,” he said, savoring every moment.

“I never want to leave,” you said, coming in for another kiss. Shorter this time but still full of longing and unconditional love. Tom broke away as he remembered something.

“Wait,” remembered Tom.

“What?”

“Come on, let’s go downstairs.”

“Why the kids are bringing us tea in bed?” You questioned.

“Just trust me,” Tom concluded.

“Okay,” you said, letting your husband lead the way. Descending the stairs and once reaching the bottom he asked for you close your eyes. You hesitant at first but agreed. He pulled you to the backyard for a much needed surprise.

“Ready. Open your eyes.” You just stood there in complete awe, speechless.

“We had a plan to bring back your memory. We set up the backyard to look just like our wedding,” Tom explained.

The backyard was full of the wedding essentials, an archway at the end of the aisle, chairs for the guests, and so many flowers. Flowers that decorated every pillar and fence, blooming with beautiful shades of lavender.

“Oh my god, it’s as beautiful as I remember it…. Tom I have an idea,” you smirked.

“Yes, darling,” Tom acknowledged.

“What would you say to us renewing our vows?” You asked, hoping he’d say yes.

“I love that idea, sweetheart. When would you want to do it?”

“Today.”

“Today?” Tom asked, stunned by your response.

“Yeah, it’s already all set up like our wedding. Why not?”

“Ok, yeah. Yes. I’m going to re-marry you today. I love you so much,” Tom exclaimed.

“And I’m going to re-marry you today. I love you too,” You grinned.

“Alright we need guests, just family,” Tom beamed.

“And I need a bridesmaid. Rosie?” You cheered, excited to share this day with you daughter.

“You serious?” Rosie asked

“Of course, honey. Now come on, I need a dress,” you said, pulling Rosie upstairs. Even though you were already married you wanted it to be as much as a real wedding as possible. So for the next few hours, you couldn’t see Tom.

Tom was tasked with inviting everyone. Sure it was last minute, but all the family would be there. He found it pretty awkward because he had to tell everyone that you got your memories back and getting married again in one phone call. He called Nikki, Dom, Harry, Sam, Paddy, your parents and Harrison and Henry.

“Haz, come quick. I need you at the house.” Tom left a message on Haz’s voicemail.

“Tom? What happened? I came as soon as I got your call,” Haz screamed, running through the mansion.

“Y/N got her memories back,” Tom cheered.

“That’s amazing. You called me all the way down here for that?” Haz asked, slightly annoyed.

“No, you div. I have a favor to ask….Will you be my best man?” Tom asked.

“Ok, I was already you best man at your wedding years ago,” Haz sneered.

“We are going to renew our vows. I wanted to know if would be my best man?”

“Are you serious?”

“No, you’re only my best friend aside from her. Yes, I’m serious,” Tom remarked sarcastically.

“I honored mate, of course. When is it?”

“In 3 hours,” Tom said stone faced.

“In 3 hours?” Haz screeched. It was so soon.

“Yeah, we set up the backyard to look like her and I’s wedding to bring back her memory.”

“Wait.. who’s officiating?” Haz wondered.

“Harry,” Tom said, trying not to burst into laughter.

“Oh, I’m so ready to watch him fuck that up.”

“Me too, mate. Now come we have a wedding to put on.”

The house erupted in wedding central. Tom had tasked his cook with cooking for 15 people for the reception, he had ordered a cake and called his personal tailor for two matching suits preferably black, just like at your first wedding.

Tom made his way upstairs to tell you about Harry officiating but was stopped by the maid of honor, Rosie.

“Why is this door locked?” Tom asked, angrily shaking the door knob.

“Dad what do you think you are doing?” Rosie asked sternly.

“Wow honey, you look beautiful,” Tom admired his daughter dressed in a light blue dress that dragged on the floor.

“Thanks, dad, it’s mom’s dress.”

“I remember, you look just like your mom.”

“Thanks, but I ask again what are you doing here?” Rosie interjected, not letting his endearing comments distract her from the more important matter. Tom wasn’t allowed to see you before the ceremony.

“I need to talk to your mother.”

“You can’t see the bride before her wedding it’s bad luck,” Rosie exclaimed.

“Please, I don’t believe in stuff like that. Plus we’re already married and happily might I add,” Tom interjected.

“Oh really, no bad luck? How do you explain all the bad things that have happened,” Rosie reminded.

“Umm, that’s not important right now. I need to talk to your mother.”

“Too bad, now shoo,” Rosie said, shooing him away with her hands.

“Fine, I guess she’ll never know THAT HARRY IS OFFICIATING,” Tom shouted as he left.

“Rosie, what did dad want?” You asked.

“Umm, nothing. Just to tell you that he found the most amazing officiant on short notice,” Rosie sneered, trying to keep it secret from you.

“Oh, good. Now, come here and let me do you hair,” you said, motioning her to the restroom.

It was now time, to remind everyone of a vow you once made.

You were dressed in a white floor length gown, not as near glamorous as you actual wedding dress but it was still beautiful. Your wedding song played again, Make You Feel My Love by Adele, as you came out from behind the corner.

All eyes turned to bask in your beauty. You could see Tom stop breathing, made you laugh a little. You noticed Harry up at the altar and wondered what had Tom done.

Rosie went up first, slowly gliding through the aisle. You followed behind her. Everything was once right with the world. You were about to re-declare your love for your best friend.

“Friends, family and Sam,” Harry said, taking a jab at his brother only to be returned with Sam sticking his tongue out. “We are gathered here today, to celebrate and re-marry Tom and Y/N Holland. If anyone has any objections please speak now or forever hold your peace,” Harry announced.

“I have problem. They’re already married,” Sam yelled from the audience.

“Sam, sit down you div. It’s a vow renewal,” Tom called out from the altar.

“Harry, they don’t ask that at actual weddings,” you whispered to him.

“Well, fuck,” Harry whispered.

“I’ve just been informed that I’m not supposed to say that, my apologies, I’m basing my entire speech on TV. Now I will continue with the proceedings. Can you believe this div, needing two weddings. Two fucking weddings when I haven’t even had one. Can we skip the vows? You’re probably going to say the exact same like thing you said 17 years ago,” Harry announced.

“Absolutely not, that’s the whole purpose. I’ll go first.” You started, taking a minute to breathe and share your heart with everyone there.

“Tom, these past 17 years being your wife have been a dream come true. You are my best friend and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I know it is fucking cheesy but, I can honestly say I found my soulmate, my better half. You make me be a better person and mother. I owe you everything and promise to give you all my love. What do you say, still want me as your wife? Please say yes, because I’m choosing you for then rest of my life. Couldn’t dream of anyone else. I love you, a thousand times over.”

“Y/N, just thinking about everything our love has survived and I’m amazed you have stuck with me through thick and thin. I want to thank you for the beautiful life you have given me and my two beautiful kids. This a declaration of my love for you but also a promise. I promise you will always be appreciated, that I will make you laugh and cry sometimes, appropriately. Falling in love with my best friend and marrying her has been the best decision of my life, I love you and I promise to always keep you safe and always stand by your side.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep. But that one I know you’ll keep,” you cheered.

“By the power vested in me by a shitty website online, I now pronounce you still husband and wife. You may kiss your wife. Children avert your eyes,” Harry concluded as Tom pulled you into a deep, passionate kiss. Nothing will ever be more perfect in that moment.

“Who else needs a cootie shot? Or some booze?” Harry called out, while you and Tom pulled apart.

“Fuck off, Harry,” Tom said, pulling you back in for another kiss.

“Where are we going on our honeymoon?” Tom whispered to you.

“I vote somewhere, we don’t have to fly,” you remarked.

“I second that. God, I love you.”

“You’re just lucky I said yes, Holland.”

“God damm right, I am.” Tom said, his lips getting caught in his smile.

There are moments where words have lost all their meaning and this was one It wasn’t full of sadness, quite the opposite. Nothing could ruin this perfect day. You were his once again.

Guns, Glamour and Goodfellas Masterlist

Taglist: @dummiesshort @thenoddingbunny-blog @adriannauni @bi-lmg @allthisfortommy

[coffeecaffineandeverythinginbtwn]

Here is my @maribat-secret-santa-2020 gift for @liquid-luck-00

I’m really sorry It’s not finished (i had trouble finishing it due to school and some rough mental health problems) but I will be posting the outline so you can know the rest of what I had planned!

again i’m so so so sorry it’s not done. happy new year! please enjoy!

:readmore:

Marinette and the Runaway Assassin

~

Marinette Grason and the Runaway Assassin

The first thing they could remember was always flying.

Their parents always told them that the first thing a Grayson ever did was fly.

Whether it be him tossing his sister in the air as she did flips, or flying on the low swing trapeze with his mother and father. they were born soaring.

Their family was the best of the best. Humans with the agility and grace of birds. Their family never stayed on the ground for long. Nothing could keep a Grayson on the ground.

Until they fell.

Their wonderful parents never flew again.

~

Dick was trying his best to keep it together, for his sister, but the pain was almost too much. He was just 16. What was he supposed to do now? He wasn’t of age to care for Marinette and he certainly didn't have much money at all.

It was two days after the fall that killed their parents. Dick had cried himself to sleep, so full of grief, stress and uncertainty the night before. He wanted, no, needed to keep his sister safe, but what were they supposed to do? Live on the street? Marinette deserved better than that. Not to mention her schooling. There was just so many things he needed to think about he had no idea if they’d ever even survive -

A knock sounded at the door, startling Dick from his thoughts.

“Excuse me,” a deep voice came from behind the door, “I would like to speak to a mister Dick Grayson.” With those words the pit inside his stomach grew. It was probably some social worker coming to separate him from the only family he had left.

Dick opened the door and saw a large man with dark hair and blue eyes in a suit, “If you’re here to take me and my sister to some orphanage, leave now. It’s not going to happen. Get lost.” Dick, the normally polite boy, ended his statement by quickly closing the door.

“Wait!” The man jumped in, using his foot to jam the door. “I’m not a social worker. Mister Grayson I presume?” Dick just narrowed his eyes and nodded his head, “My name is Bruce Wayne. I was hoping to come to an arrangement that would greatly help you and your sister.

Dick had the urge to scoff, but he let the man, Bruce, continue.

“You see, I lost my parents at a young age as well. I want to make you and Miss Marinette my wards. You two would both get to live in my manor with your own room and have all the things you two would need to live a happy life. And you would not be separated. This can all happen effective immediately, as soon as you say the word. So, What do you say?”

This was insane. It was everything he and Mari could need. They could lead a normal, safe, and good life. There were so many goods that could come of this and yet…

Graysons are never tied to the ground my little robin. We must never be afraid to spread our own wings and soar. We are free spirits and we fly our own way.

With only that thought in his head, his ressove hardened.

“While I appreciate the offer Mister Wayne, I’m afraid I have to decline.” He began, “My parents used to say that we should never let ourselves be tied down. They were free-spirited and loved to travel. I want my sister and I to continue their legacy.”

Bruce looked a little shocked at this, and also a bit put out., but he quickly covered it with a determined look of his own.

“I see. If I cannot assist with housing, please let me help in any other way possible. Money is no issue, I can promise you that.” Bruce looked so ready to help them. And hell, if they couldn't use the help.

Dick was at a loss for words, “I- Mister Wayne- I can’t thank you enough!” Marinette would get to have the life their parents would have wanted for her. He didn’t have to worry about money any more. They could be free and go where the wind would take them. This flood of relief he felt did ease his grief a little for only a moment. It was one weight lifted off his shoulders.

“It’s the least I could do Mister Grayson.” He nodded, looking a bit relieved himself.

“Please, call me Dick Mister Wayne.” At that Bruce’s mouth quirked upwards the tiniest bit.

“Only if you call me Bruce.”

~

Over the next few years, Dick and Marinette went everywhere imaginable, traveling with the circus.

Eventually they decided to travel at their own pace. Marinette instided they spend more time in their favorite countries. They spent a few months in each, both gathering a love for each culture and language. Marinette especially took a bit of every country with her, absorbing each like a sponge.

Without the circus to keep them active in their travels and with barely any means to keep themselves protected, Dick and Marinette accumulated a mesh of different fighting styles. Neither ever truly mastered one, but both fought in a way very specific to them.

~

Currently somewhere in Italy, the two were waiting for one of their mentors to arrive for a meeting.

“Duckie!!” Marinette, now nine, ran to her brother with that particular spark in her eye, “Duckie! Guess what!”

Dick, smiled a little at the familiar nickname, “What’s up Nettie?”

Marinette jumped up and down excitedly. “Look what I can do!”

The small girl smiled and ran a little ways into the field nearby and did three handsprings to the shock, and pride of her brother.

“Good job Marinette,“ A voice that was not Dick‘s called from behind them, “I’m glad to see that you are improving well.”

An overall average looking man in his late 30’s wearing a firm, yet warm expression walked towards them.

Their mentor, Malachi Dobraski.

“Uncle Chi!” The Marinettw siblings voiced, running to him.

Malachi’s mouth turned upwards at the sibling’s outburst. “Yes, yes I have finally arrived. You two are, of course, ever so humbled to be in my presence.” There was a stretch of silence before the three burst out in laughter.

“Wonderful to see you two as always.” He said as he bent down to give Marinette a hug.

“So what did you need Malachi? You never call meetings so early in the month.” Dick said as he turned to face him.

Malachi hummed in an impressed manner, “Very astute Richard. I asked you here today because I wanted you to meet a friend of mine I had mentioned earlier. Gina, If you remember.”

At the mention of the woman Marinette perked up, The one who travels all around the world like us? We really get to meet her?” She topped off her questions with a wiggle of excitement.

“We’ll have to see about that Nettie.” Dick spoke fondly as he smiled at his sister’s antics. He then turned his attention to Malachi, “Will she be in town soon? You’re rarely one to throw out praise for no reason and you’ve spoken highly of her in the past.”

“She is a lady well deserving of my praise, Richard. To answer your question, yes. Ms. Gina will be in town Thursday evening.” their mentor said with another small grin.

Dick hummed while tapping his chin, “That’s about two days from now. Unfortunately me and Mari probably won’t be able to meet with her right away. We’re tied up until Saturday I believe. Will she be in town for long?”

“Gina is a free spirit, so it’s hard to say. However she has been interested in you two since I mentioned I was taking students again. I expect she’ll stay long enough to meet you.”

“That’s great!” Dick said, as cheerful as ever, “That settles it then.”

“Yay! We get to meet aunt Gina!” Marinette exclaimed, jumping up and down.

Instead of correcting his sister, Dick just shook his head with a laugh. Why does everyone we hear of instantly become family?

~

Marinette sat at a tall table in a quiet cafe. Her tiny legs swung eagerly underneath her as she hummed to herself. Her brother was up at the counter ordering their drinks. She was sketching, or trying to. It was really hard to focus when she was so full of jitters.

Today was the day they were supposed to meet Ms. Gina and while Marinette was excited, she was just as, if not more, nervous. She has always been this way with new people.

————————

That is the end of what i have written BUT NOW the outline:

Section One

Dick is older in this 16/17

Mari is 5 or 6

They grow up with their parents, until they die, again.

Dick is old enough to be emancipated/take custody of Mari

(Bruce didn’t adopt them but he helped Dick get emancipated and gave them loads of money)

Their parents were free spirits and loved to travel

Dick decides they should keep that alive.

The two stay with the circus traveling for around a year

And they continue to travel for 1 or 2 years

They meet Gina

Dick kinda wants to settle down Gina recommends Paris

They go to Paris

They get an apartment (thank you plot convenient Bruce money)

(she’s around 10 or 11 now. He’s 19 or 20 now)

Dick wants Mari to make friends or get a feel for regular school so she goes to FD

Section Two

Separately, Damian and the league are in turmoil (the coup happens)

Thalia might die Idk

Damian, not knowing what else to do, flees to Paris?

Tom and Sabine have always wanted children but were never successful

They find this aggressive child on the streets of course they take him in

Damian would grumble about their ‘lower status’ but would of course be secretly grateful and surprised at the unconditional love and care he receives from T and S

Section THree

Back to Mari

Being raised by Dick, she learned to be true to herself and also headstrong

She takes no crap from Chloé

(She eventually learns of her situation with her mother and they become less aggressive towards each other)

(she also learns a lot of different skills and fashion things)

Section Four

Damian arrives at FD

(He’s like 10 or 11 Mari is like 11)

Damian and Mari are both ahead of the curriculum (Both home schooled) same class

She is her kind self, doesn't know anyone else well and Dami is another new kid.

They stick together out of a sort of necessity

He’s cold at first but (go figure) he softens for her eventually

They slowly grow closer as friends

Dick becomes another behaviour mentor and Brother esq figure to Dami

Dick also sees Daminette’s in love right away

He teases Mari about it

Bada Boom they're 13 now

Section Five

Miraculos canon GO

Mari gets ladybug Dami gets cat

Mari doesn't get a crush on Adrien (the gum incident doesn’t happen because Chlo and Mari are on better terms)

Mari and Dami both immediately recognize each other in costume

Mari’s outfit is black with red detailing sans her cape/glider that’s full red with the five black spots. Has deep red boots that go up to the knee. Her ribbons are longer and can detach to use as a makeshift ribbon dance things (she also goes by Ladybird instead of Ladybug)

Damian’s outfit is his assassin outfit but black and tan undertones with cat ears (his pupils don’t change to slits) Damian goes by Leopard

Dick notices a change immediately He confronts Mari, She caves and tells him too

(She consequently reveals Damian’s Identity as well. No one could have that kind of chemistry with Mari that quickly)

He signs her up for many martial arts classes (She already had training in a few, picking up a lot from her travels)

Damian also helps train Mari in some ~Assassin Skills~

Basically, they’re bad asses.

The only thing stopping them from defeating Hawkey boy quickly is the fact that they can’t find where he is

Section Six

Moving on, Salt

Lila happens

Lila still sets her sights on Adrian (he’s got money at this point Damian is just a baker's boy to Lila.

Lila isolates the two from the rest of the class, even more so than they already were

Damian thinks the class are even bigger idiots

Lila is still an awful person and wants to make both Dami and Mari’s live miserable

Lila tries to go to Dick about Mari “bullying” her

He laughs in her face (he choses laughter instead of seething anger. thanks Hawky)

Lila then tries to get through to Tom and Sabine about Damian

This time it works, they have less reason to trust Damian (and he was also a major prick when they first took him in

(this happens over a year or so. Lila slowly gaining the trust of the class and Tom and Sabine)

The environment gets very toxic Dami and Mari decide to leave the school and go to online schooling (like at college level)

Section Seven

Time skip. They are 16 now

The two have had feelings for a while, they now realize them

Dami is less emotionally stunted, having both Dick and Mari around (Tom and Sabine too but they kinda suck now) so he doesn’t panic much

Mari is full panic mode

Dick is just in the corner all smug-like. (“you didn’t know you loved him? I’ve known this for years”)

Que pining

Lots of pining

There’s some angst, Tom and Sabine are negligent towards Damian (not mean but still neglectful)

He ends up staying with Dick and Mari more often than not

Eventually they both confess after a particularly rough akuma battle (the one where mari becomes the guardian?)

Both of them almost watched the other die. That was too heartbreaking for either of them to not confess

So they are together now.

It was an easy transition, they were already married pretty much

They’ve already figured out who Hawky boy is. They just need evidence

They get evidence. They also discover Lila was working with him

They take care of the Hawkmoth situation

Section Eight

Everything is good now right? Wrong

Batman Finally goes to Paris once Hawky is defeated,

(he kept in touch with Dick all these years and knew what was going on, {He practically became their “uncle Bruce”} He only stayed away cuz Hawkmoth)

When Damian sees Bruce visiting Mari’s House he freezes,

Mari: “what's wrong Dami?”

Dami: *whispers in her ear*

M: “He’s your WHAT???”

D; *whispers more*

M: “I- You- Um- WHAT”

D: *walks up to Bruce* “Hello, I know this is an odd way to meet but I am sure you know of Thalia Al’ Ghoul.” *B nods wairily* “Yes, well, I am your son. And unfortunately hers as well.”

“Yes, I’d be perfectly happy to do a blood test.”

Dick and Mari are shook

“Damian, You must come to live with me in Gotham”

Dun

Dun

Dunnnnnn!!!!!

End Part One

Again I am sincerely sorry I was not able to complete this story in time. Like I said before, I will (maybe/probably) be finishing this and planning a part two! I hope you enjoyed! (even though it’s the first fanfic i’ve written)

[malkumtend]

I Like Your Laugh (A SquirrelCrow AU) - Chapter 20.

For the first time in moons, Crowpaw was hungry.

Hunting had been as pointless as Tallstar had claimed. With the roar of monsters, as well as the lingering stink of Twolegs, prey was impossible to find. Worse than that, Crowpaw had seen those pale fleshed creatures skulking around the ruins of his home, carrying their storm of destruction with them.

They would mark the few trees left with a haze of red mist, and then bite into the thick bark with long silver claws. The crash of the wood as it slammed into the torn ground sent a tremble over Windclan. Every collision caused Crowpaw’s heart to tremble.

At this rate, it wouldn’t be long before the whole forest fell.

Hunting had been a fruitless effort. Crowpaw was the only one who had caught anything, but two withered shrew was not going to help the clans. Onewhisker had looked relieved at the mere sight of prey, and the way he praised Crowpaw was like he had caught a dozen hares.

“Well done, Crowpaw.” Onewhisker purred weakly as the hunting patrol made their way back. “That catch will help feed the kits another night.”

Nightcloud had mewed in agreement, her own face brightened at the stale scent of the shrews. Crowpaw had expected Webfoot to snarl the group back to reality, but the tom didn’t have a word to say, just a small grave nod.

Crowpaw attempted a small meow of thanks, but his throat instantly felt dry. The shrews hardly made up enough space to fill his mouth. Was this really all they could rely on to feed the starving kits and elders? He tried to not let this realisation mark his face with horror. It would do no good for anyone. Despite everything, the group was trying to keep some kind of determination; Crowpaw couldn’t kill that.

“Looks like all that travelling did some good for you, hey?” Nightcloud meowed, tapping his side with her tail. Under the darkening sky, her eyes lit up like pink embers. “You almost look like a natural hunter.”

Crowpaw nodded mildly, hoping the sound his throat made sounded more like a laugh than a groan.

“Don’t tease him, Nightcloud.” Onewhisker sighed tiredly, “We need all the prey we can find.”

“I was being serious.” The black molly insisted. “I wasn’t making fun of him.”

Onewhisker muttered something incoherent. Just looking at his back, it was clear that the tom had been discouraged by the hunt. As thankful as he was that some prey was caught for the kits that needed it so desperately, it was clear it would be a while before the thinning bodies of the Warriors got any end to their slow suffering.

Looking back at his still firm body, Crowpaw felt his growing hunger twist into guilt. He was nowhere near in the right to complain about prey.

Even standing besides the group, Crowpaw felt like he didn’t belong, didn’t deserve, to be there. By all means, he was able enough to get through the night without prey. Just how many queens, kits and elders had been forced to resign themselves to that fate.

The night air refused to respond to his question, it just scratched him with its freezing claws.

Once he’d taken the prey back, he’d have to find Tallstar. The time was approaching. Soon he would have to stand beside his…acquaintances from the other clans, hoping that they would receive a sign that told them where to go from here.

Crowpaw had never been so desperate to know an answer in all his life.

If any of the clans waited any longer, Crowpaw was certain that Windclan wouldn’t survive the next moon. Hunger, dehydration, and destruction was all that they would find here. Tallstar understood that, thankfully; Crowpaw could only hope the other clans would as well.

Unfortunately, the apprentice didn’t know whether they would share his clan’s sentiments.

He thought about what Tawnypelt and Stormfur would have to deal with when it came to their leaders. It didn’t matter how much they screamed the truth to their clans, ultimately it was up to Blackstar and Leopardstar if their clans moved or not. The Shadowclan leader would not be swayed easily. His pride was significantly excruciating from what Crowpaw remembered from previous gatherings.

And Leopardstar. At the thought of her, Crowpaw couldn’t help but feel fury prickle over his pelt. Tallstar had openly pleaded, putting all of his pride aside for his clan, the Riverclan leader to let them use the lake to drink. They hadn’t done that for nothing! Cats had needed that water then, it was essential now! Crowpaw thought the clans had reached an understanding.

Apparently not.

Leopardstar, based on the word of some no-clan stray who had sauntered his way into Riverclan, had pretty much left Windclan for dead. She had left every one of them to suffer on their own. Crowpaw knew that Windclan had taken some prey every now and then, but it certainly wasn’t enough that Riverclan would notice it was gone! Windclan needed to survive too!

But no. Whoever this Hawkfrost was, he had convinced Leopardstar that Windclan had earnt such a punishment! Did they not have cats of their own that were feeling the strains of these horrors? Could they really look at those cats and feed them, knowing that they had refused another clan such a necessity?! Crowpaw knew that Leopardstar was a cat who was frosty on her best days, but could she really be that cruel? If she trusted Windclan so little, who was to say she wouldn’t refuse to follow them to a new home?

Could Stormfur even convince her? He hadn’t even been the one who was…

Oh.

Oh Stars… no.

Crowpaw almost paused where he stood. Only walking on when he saw a concerned glint in Nightcloud’s eyes as he wobbled forward.

“Are you okay?”

Well, let’s see. He had left his clan to suffer, including his mother, while the home their entire clan had been rooted in for eons was being torn apart like it was nothing but sand, he had disgraced his father’s trust and was reminded of that with every disapproving flare of the stars above, and he might have ruined the clans hopes of getting Riverclan to follow them on their journey, destroying the history of the four clans themselves with a single paw, all because he hadn’t been the one who had rightfully died on that journey.

Did he mention it was his fault that an innocent cat, one of his best friends, had died to save his worthless pelt?

Crowpaw dipped his head at Nightcloud and she took that as a yes.

“Of course he’s okay.” Webfoot muttered, an audible curl on his lip. “He’s gotten everything he wanted.”

Crowpaw’s eyes snapped open.

“Webfoot!” Onewhisker turned his head to the tom with a warning growl. “Don’t you start any trouble.”

Webfoot grunted, “Why? He’s allowed to because he’s an apprentice.”

Crowpaw spat the shrews out of mouth, erupting with a snarl. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He demanded. There was a monster at the back of his head screaming at him to get into the tom’s face. “Gotten what I wanted? Are you trying to say that I wanted two-legs to come here?”

Nightcloud ran her tail over Crowpaw’s back. “Calm down.” Crowpaw ignored her, his eyes caught in a glare with the tom ahead of him.

Webfoot ignored the death stare that Onewhisker sent him. His eyes slid away from Crowpaw, disgusted. “No. But you got Tallstar to believe your stories. I bet you’re really proud to have that kind of influence.” He sounded like he was spitting out muck as he spoke.

Now, the demands to cause harm raced into a roar. Crowpaw couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Did Webfoot really think he was that shallow? “This isn’t about that at all, you piece of fox-dung!” Crowpaw’s shouting echoed over the hills. “It’s about-”

“Enough!” Onewhisker got between the two toms, hissing. “Both of you!”

Crowpaw was affronted, “He’s the one who-”

“I know that!” Onewhisker snapped, his stern snarl made Crowpaw cower away. “But Windclan doesn’t need the two of you fighting! If we have any hope of getting through this, we need to work together as a clan!” He turned back to Webfoot, his backfur prickling. “And we certainly don’t need any cats questioning the decisions of their leader!”

Webfoot frowned, one fang slipping over his lip. “That’s not what I was-”

“Quiet!” Onewhisker ordered. “Listen to me, Webfoot! I don’t care if you, or any cat for that matter, doesn’t believe in Crowpaw’s sign! If Tallstar decides that Windclan needs to move, that is what we will be doing!” The skinny tom took a pounding step towards Webfoot. “If you have an issue with that, then I’d be happy to take you to discuss it with Tallstar.” He dared with a snap of his teeth. It sounded like breaking a rabbit’s neck.

The panic Webfoot displayed was brief, but it was telling. His tail sank to the floor like a bird falling out of its nest. To his, limited, credit he kept his face straight. That was just all the more infuriating for Crowpaw.

“There’s no need for that.” Webfoot drawled. He lashed a look at Crowpaw. “And please don’t misunderstand, I hope that Crowpaw is right in what he says.” His eyes narrowed snakily. “If he’s wrong, who knows what would happen to Windclan.”

Crowpaw growled to not show weakness.

Like most things he did these days, it repressed the way his body shook at the words.

“Well then,” Nightcloud stepped forward, her claws unsheathed. “Why don’t you shut up and believe in him like Tallstar does, you waste of fur!”

“Nightcloud!” Onewhisker hissed, “What did I just say about fighting?”

The molly scoffed, muttering a fake apology as she looked away. Webfoot didn’t reply, he had apparently decided he’d said enough.

And it was enough that Crowpaw got the point.

Onewhisker maintained a strained silence between the cats, before he let out a croaky sigh. He sounded like he was releasing the pain from his weakening joints. “Let’s not waste anymore time.” He frowned over at Crowpaw. “Pick up those shrews. There are cats who need them.”

Crowpaw looked down to where he’d spat out the sorry excuses for prey, and his heart dropped with disgrace. Those shrews could be what separated a cat from life and death, and he’d spat them out like some kittypet sulking at a two-leg. A horrible, regretful embarrassment clouded over the cat. He stuttered over his own selfishness.

“I-I’m sorry, Onewhisker.”

Onewhisker gave him a hard look that was hard to describe. It made Crowpaw uneasy. The older cat’s whiskers shook with a grunt. “Sorry doesn’t feed cats. Now pick up that prey and make sure you don’t drop it again until you’re in front of someone who needs it!”

Crowpaw dipped his head. The knowledge that his actions made him a liability sent him cold. “Yes, Onewhisker.” Carefully, he picked the shrews up again. When he looked up, Onewhisker was already strolling off, soon followed by Webfoot. The tom made sure to swipe his tail at Crowpaw before he turned away with a malicious scoff.

Crowpaw stared in their direction, then he began to follow them. What else could he do? He couldn’t blame Onewhisker for his fury, the cat had been struggling to make sure Windclan didn’t fall. If Crowpaw didn’t know any better he could have assumed that the cat was the Deputy.

He couldn’t even blame Webfoot really. Well… no. The cat was a fox-heart who had no right to claim those things about him. Crowpaw would never want any of this. But he could see how it looked. An apprentice that had ran away and come back without a reason he could prove and had convinced their leader to follow his advice. It made sense that Webfoot wouldn’t trust him.

That just worked to make Crowpaw feel worse.

If it made sense, then just how much could his clan trust him? How much could he trust himself to save them from an agonising fate?

Searching for those answers was like swimming through fog and ice.

A sympathetic purr rumbled at his side. Nightcloud was looking at him softly. “Don’t pay any attention to Webfoot. He’s always been a burr-furred mange pelt.”

If Crowpaw could open his mouth, he might have muttered a thanks to her. He kept silent. It didn’t matter really. He still ended up thinking, ‘Just because he’s a mange pelt, it doesn’t mean he’s wrong.’ Webfoot’s intentions, no matter what mouse-bile he spewed, were clear. He didn’t forgive Crowpaw for abandoning Windclan. He wanted to punish the apprentice, however he could.

Crowpaw had done everything he thought was right.

Crowpaw had done everything for the purpose of helping Windclan.

But that didn’t exclude the idea that maybe… he deserved to be punished.

“Hey?” Nightcloud murmured, “Do you want me to carry one of those for you?”

She was offering to help him carry some measly shrews?

Did he actually look that pathetic?

He shook his head. She watched him patiently, as if hopeful he would change his mind, before turning away with a sigh. She didn’t need to help him. Any burden for the clan was one Crowpaw deserved to carry.

The thought didn’t leave Crowpaw even when he returned to the ‘camp’ Windclan had fashioned, not when Nightcloud pointed to him the tattered base of an old rabbit warren where they were sheltering the kits, not when the dark molly gave him a well-natured touch with her muzzle, and not when he slowly walked past his clanmates, all scarred, starving, or both, trying their best to get some rest in this terrible place.

His good intentions did not change everything that had happened because of him. Even as he walked by his clanmates, he could hear the gravelly whispers all around him. They didn’t sound happy. Crowpaw almost looked like he was trying to hide his head between his shoulders, unspeakably afraid to catch any cat’s gaze. If he turned and saw every cat view him with hatred, he didn’t know if he could carry on walking.

He cursed himself for looking so pathetic. He could only imagine what cats were thinking. He didn’t want to picture what they’d think when Tallstar revealed why he’d truly been gone. This shaking, moody apprentice was what their fates rested on.

Perhaps the forest would be the more honourable way to die.

Unlatching himself from these thoughts was like scratching at a rock. The truth came on him, refusing to let him go. He deserved the looks. He deserved the hate. And if he was being honest, he would have deserved Webfoot finishing him off with a bite to his throat. Admitting these things was almost relieving for the cat, like he was finally facing the inevitable.

He had given Windclan the message they needed.

What use – what good - was he to them anymore?

“Where are you going?”

Crowpaw jolted where he stood, his ears drifting back fearfully. He slowly met the eyes of his mentor. Mudclaw was looking down at him irritably, the night made his amber eyes flicker. Crowpaw could barely move as he remembered how the Deputy had been earlier. How he had not believed Crowpaw’s explanation and had looked betrayed when his leader did.

Mudclaw growled into the silence. “You should drop what you have in your mouth if you’re going to answer.”

Crowpaw could barely meet Mudclaw’s gaze as he gently dropped the shrews. “I was… I was going to take these to the Queens. That way the kits can get some milk.”

Mudclaw rolled his eyes, “I’m aware of how feeding kits works, Crowpaw.” He sounded as gruff as he looked. His back wasn’t spiked, but it still looked jagged and rough, like sand under a blistering sun. His face was dull with fatigue. “Good hunting I see?” He said, his voice dreadfully sarcastic.

Crowpaw dropped his head again. Even before leaving for the journey, there was nothing that made him curl up like the disappointment of his mentor. “There wasn’t much to catch.”

“I know that as well.” Mudclaw said, “I suppose that’s another reason we need to leave, hmm?” The sarcasm swiped again.

Crowpaw didn’t say anything. There would be no good response to that.

Mudclaw peered down at the shrews, sitting down and stretching his forelegs with a groan. “Truth be told, it is not easy to find prey around here. I had hoped that after a few days we would know where we could find some again.” His voice dimmed. “Regretfully, there hasn’t been much success.” He sniffed at the shrews and, to Crowpaw’s surprise, his mentor let out a laugh that almost sounded glad. “Not much of a mouthful, but at least they’re fresh.”

Whether it was the bleak praise of his mentor, or the idea that his actions could have been of any good in the first place, a calm purr rumbled in Crowpaw’s throat.

“Luckily,” Mudclaw started again, grooming his shoulder with snappy bites. “You won’t have to choose between a Queen to feed. Only Whitetail hasn’t received prey since yesterday. Thankfully, you’ve changed that.”

Whitetail. Realisation rushed through the apprentice. So that was why Onewhisker looked so happy to see the prey. His own mate could finally get the kill she needed for their kits.

“I’m… I’m glad I could help somehow.”

“Was there really nothing else to find?”

Crowpaw mewed sadly, “Nothing. And we won’t be able to scent anything now. The only smell around here is the stink of those monsters.”

Mudclaw hissed behind his teeth. “Fox-dung to it all.” Crowpaw could have been frightened by how grave his mentor sounded. Defeat was not something he had ever been able to associate with his leader. The older cat grumbled a moment more, before he stumbled over to his apprentice. Crowpaw tried not to flinch as the cat smelt his pelt.

“Well,” Mudclaw’s voice was low, but not hard. “At the very least, you saw more of this territory.” He scoffed humourlessly, “You almost smell like Windclan again.”

Crowpaw knew better than to show how much those words sank into him.

Mudclaw padded back, studying his apprentice with a narrowed expression. “I was thinking about what Webfoot said earlier.” He said slowly, “What did he mean when he mentioned that Thunderclan cat. Owlpaw sought me out to tell me that she…” Mudclaw let his words loosen as his stare hardened. Crowpaw knew what Mudclaw was going to ask about and a sheer sense of fear stalked into his chest. “Embraced you. Is that right?”

The night air was growing too cold for Crowpaw. Why else would his paws shake so much?

It wasn’t fair! He had nothing to feel guilty about! He never asked her to do that! He had tried to say goodbye without igniting any suspicion among the clans, he had been loyal and fair about it! It wasn’t his fault if she couldn’t take that. It wasn’t his paws that had pulled her so close to him! It wasn’t him who had left her scent all over him! He wasn’t to blame! She was!

And yet, despite all these things, he couldn’t find it in his chest to be angry at Squirrelpaw.

He knew he should. He knew that if he allowed the rage of how she had made him look disloyal compel him to just a hiss, it would retain the normalcy that he had to reclaim.

For both their sakes.

Fox-dung! Why were his thoughts on her side? Why was he still brought to concern over her?

“Yes.” Crowpaw said, his voice as strong as a cloud.

Mudclaw eased back slightly, but his gaze still burned. “Why would she do that? Are you two ‘friends’?” Mudclaw’s tail thumped down at the word.

Say no. That’s all he had to do.

“We were allies.” Crowpaw said. The feeling in his chest was softening the race of his brain. Something inside him told him to tell the truth, but to not give too much away. The worry in his heart was not for himself. “We had to be. We travelled together that long, after all.”

Mudclaw did not look satisfied. “That doesn’t answer why she did that once you were on Windclan territory.”

Crowpaw kept fixed on his mentor, but he thought he could see a twitch under the moonlight. Was it the refletion of a claw? Crowpaw breathed in softly. “She was just saying goodbye. She was wishing me luck.” He shrugged innocently, “I guess that’s just her way of doing that.”

Mudclaw sniffed, “Interesting way, if you ask me.” His stare still prickled on Crowpaw’s skin for a long time. Crowpaw held onto the grass under his feet, begging that somehow he wasn’t showing any weakness. If Mudclaw suspected something else, who knew what he would do? Crowpaw didn’t want to know what the cat did with cats he suspected were traitors.

Crowpaw wasn’t a traitor!

But… neither was Squirrelpaw.

Crowpaw knew, he just knew, that Squirrelpaw wouldn’t have done that if she thought she would get Crowpaw in trouble. They had been like that, close, throughout the journey. She wouldn’t have thought she was doing anything wrong by just hugging him one last time.

Suddenly, Crowpaw’s tongue felt dry. Of course, she wouldn’t have thought that. Because she hadn’t done anything wrong. She had just hugged a friend. Besides, Crowpaw, all those moons ago, had been the one to do it first, when the fear of losing her had made his eyes water. It had been him that had told her he wished to keep seeing her once this was all over.

His heart sank again.

Maybe… this was also his fault. If he had given her the idea that it was okay, even when they had returned, then could he blame her. If he’d had any sense, he would have shut the idea down there and then!

The idea of doing that filled his head again. The normal strain resolved. Clan life resumed. The disappointment that would have stung her expression. The way that saying no would make his own heart break.

Crowpaw’s closed his eyes with a quiet hiss. What was wrong with him?!

He swiftly looked up at his mentor again, ignoring the way he had risen a brow. If he wasn’t careful he would have given his friendship with Squirrelpaw away. And that would be a disaster for the both of them.

But didn’t he want to be punished? If he was truthful, and accepted responsibility, then wouldn’t that make him a real Warrior?

It was the idea of having Squirrelpaw punished as well that made him silence that thought.

She didn’t deserve that. Only he did.

“After she’d done that, I got her off me and told her to go back to Thunderclan where she was needed.” Crowpaw explained stonily. “That was it. Or did Owlpaw tell you differently?”

The stink of the monsters wafted over Windclan, as venomous as Mudclaw’s silence. The Deputy drummed his claws into the grass, fire still pure in his stare. “And that was all?” It sounded more like a threat than a question.

“That was all.”

Crowpaw must have sounded convincing, because Mudclaw blinked and he looked satisfied. “I see. And no, that does match what Owlpaw told me.” Crowpaw was kind of thankful that the apprentice had been truthful, at least. “That’s good. I was concerned that you’d forgotten your place.”

Place.

Not Clan.

Crowpaw shook his head, trying to look prideful. “Of course not, Mudclaw. The journey is over now, the only concern I have is for Windclan. The other’s will need to look out for their own clans.”

He hoped they could do that easier than he was finding it.

Mudclaw nodded, “I’m glad you know that, Crowpaw.” He let out a bitter chuckle, “If Thunderclan is lucky, maybe that molly realise the same.”

Crowpaw hoped that she did too. But that didn’t stop his claws from tensing unconsciously. He drew them back in before his mentor noticed, screaming inwardly to follow his own words.

“Hopefully.” Crowpaw managed to say. “If the Clans are to survive the journey, they’ll need to.”

Mudclaw looked irritable again. “Ah yes. You’ll need to find Tallstar soon, won’t you?”

Crowpaw grit his teeth as he realised his stupidity. He’d forgotten Mudclaw’s feelings about their travels. “I-I swear that this is the right decision, Mudclaw.” He meowed. The older cat didn’t look his way, his neck fur swaying in the icy breeze. “Windclan will survive if we do this, I promise.”

Mudclaw shrugged with a scoff, “Well, you’ve convinced Tallstar of that. I suppose that’s all that matters!” Crowpaw tried to be sympathetic to the Deputy as he remembered the way Tallstar had shut Mudclaw’s objections down. Crowpaw believed that Mudclaw’s suspicions were driven by his concern for Windclan, and it wouldn’t be easy for any cat to abandon their home when they didn’t see a need to.

Still, Mudclaw needed to trust in Starclan. Trust in Crow… Trust in Tallstar’s decision.

“I’m not lying to you.” Crowpaw meowed, “There is a better place somewhere.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Crowpaw drew back sharply, taken aback. Mudclaw stared out, as if over the whole of the clan. His jaw was tight as his eyes creased with frustration. “I can see that our home is being destroyed. Of course, there is some place where we can go. Silverpelt does not shine over just the flowers, after all. But it’s whether we can make such a journey that bothers me!”

Crowpaw’s jaw slowly dipped from his mouth. It was rare he heard such apprehension from his mentor. He almost sounded pained.

“Cats haven’t eaten or drank for close to a moon, and when we have it’s just been those kind of catches,” He lashed his tail to the dirty shrews, “Everywhere I look, my clanmates are suffering and I can’t see how telling them to wander through the forest will help them in anyway!”

Crowpaw now saw the real mortification on his mentor’s face. Windclan was the only thing in Mudclaw’s mind. “If we stay here, we’ll all die.” Crowpaw said morosely, “I know it sounds crazy, but there isn’t anything else we can do.”

Mudclaw rolled his eyes. “I think there are many options we have, Crowpaw.” The older cat drawled, “But like I said, it doesn’t matter now. Tallstar agrees with you, and if he decides to go then I will have to follow my leader to the end.”

Crowpaw may have felt hope if not for the grave frown on the Deputy’s face.

“However,” His voice was low, “I fear that Tallstar may be approaching that end already.”

His words were like being torn apart limb from limb. Freezing horror wrapped all over Crowpaw. Surely Mudclaw wasn’t suggesting what he thought he was. “What do you mean?”

Mudclaw narrowed his eyes, but his muzzle creased with upset. “Crowpaw, you’re not a mouse-brain. You have seen Tallstar since you came back here, and you and I both know that he is not… well.”

Truthfully, Crowpaw had noticed it. He was sure any cat would. The way the leader coughed after a mere sentence, the way he had relied on Onewhisker’s side to walk strong, how when he spoke it sounded as if rocks were cutting into his throat. It was true. Tallstar did not look well at all.

“He may keep strong for now, but he is not getting stronger with every moon that passes.” Mudclaw gazed up at the hollow light of the moon above them, his eyes bleak with thought. “If he can’t do that in his own clan, I fail to see how travelling would not make things worse. Additionally, if the other clans saw him in that state they would use it for their own advantage, of that I’m certain.” His teeth grit with the last line.

Crowpaw’s mouth opened but he couldn’t find the correct words. The idea that this journey could cause his leader to… His gaze found the ground again, dilated and afraid. “The…The other clans wouldn’t do that.” He hated how uncertain he sounded. “We have to work together if we…”

“Your logic makes sense, Crowpaw.” Mudclaw cut him off, stepping forward with a sigh. There was such a sense of authority in his step that Crowpaw had to step back. “But you cannot speak for the other clans or how they think. No matter how much you may have trusted those cats on your journey, there will always be those…” A low growl rumbled in his chest, “That will grin at the sight of weakness. Without a strong leader, we are vulnerable, and when that happens we can’t afford to lose our freedom for the sake of some temporary peace!” He stepped beside Crowpaw, pressing his tail hard into his side. “It may be the worst scenario, but it is there nonetheless. Windclan needs its Warriors to remember what side they’re on, they need to be willing to fight for that. Can I trust you to do that if the time comes?”

He spoke of a future that no one could truly understand. No one knew what was on its way.

But, by the Stars, Crowpaw was scared of how convincing Mudclaw sounded.

It made perfect sense after all. The clans had been rivals for generations. Before the journey, if Crowpaw had known that a leader from the enemy was sick, he would have howled with laughter at the idea of that clan becoming weaker. He could expect as much from them. Those feelings surely couldn’t just disappear because they were forced into this terrible partnership.

But when he thought of the journey. When he imagined the faces of his… He couldn’t, didn’t want to, imagine that they would do something like that after everything they’d been through.

But then… maybe that was the problem.

Maybe that showed how backwards Crowpaw had become.

It was time to face facts. There was no hope that anything real could survive with the cats he’d known. Their very nature wouldn’t allow it. Besides, Crowpaw had not been of any real use to them.

Feathertail hadn’t come home because of him.

No, with them… It would be better if they just never saw him again once all this was done.

He’d forgotten his loyalty, the loyalty ingrained in his blood, and he knew Windclan would not hesitate to remind him of that in the future. And that was fine.

He deserved to pay for everything he’d done. To every clan.

But that didn’t mean he couldn’t try to be of use while he awaited that punishment.

Windclan deserved better than him, and they could get better than he ever was, but he still needed to work for them when they needed it. This was his one chance to do some real good in his life.

He needed to make sure Windclan knew he was loyal. He needed to make sure his previous friends knew where his loyalty really was. If they couldn’t grasp that, then he needed to remind them of it. They had all hated him at the start. He needed to make sure it was like that once again.

Even though… he didn’t think he could ever hate them again.

But that was why he needed to keep the line clear. Once they were all back to normal in their clans, it had to get better for them. They deserved that kind of ending.

That was why they couldn’t be friends anymore.

So when he suddenly found himself thinking of Squirrelpaw and her cheeky, amazing smile, he let the guilt and self-revulsion take him over. He accepted the sickness in his stomach and called it disloyalty.

If he wanted her to be safe, he needed to shut her away.

Even when the thought of that made his sickness worse.

“Yes, Mudclaw.” Crowpaw said, his voice hollow and found.

Mudclaw stepped away, his eyes never leaving Crowpaw. His eyes blazed like an owl’s. “Good. It’s important you understand what’s right if we find ourselves in that situation.”

“I understand.” Crowpaw said, dipping his head.

A real sound of contentment left Mudclaw. Crowpaw tried to let it ease him. “Excellent.” There was a long silence after that. Then a heavy exhale exited the Deputy and Crowpaw felt a tail smooth over his back. “I do hope that you’re right about this journey, Crowpaw. There is nothing I want more than for my clan to survive.”

Crowpaw sensed a ‘but’ so he didn’t take that as acceptance.

“But, just remember where your real allies are if the time comes. Understand?”

Crowpaw hated that he was right. He couldn’t speak this time so he just nodded his head.

Mudclaw made a pleased mrrow. “Now, take your prey to Whitetail and then go and find Tallstar. The sooner we have a real plan, the better. No matter what happens.” Something was hidden in how he said that, but he was gone before the chill had found Crowpaw’s tail.

He realised it was stupid to think about that.

Mudclaw was his Deputy. Mudclaw was Windclan. That made him an ally. That was where his trust needed to be.

Crowpaw picked up the prey again and strode quickly to the stinking, damaged warren. Sure enough, Whitetail was there. Her eyes were dark with exhaustion and sorrow as she listened to the three small kits at her belly cry hungrily as they suckled for milk that wasn’t there.

Crowpaw’s heart ached. No wonder Onewhisker accepted his story so easily. Anything was better than this.

Whitetail slowly lifted her head as Crowpaw approached. Suddenly, her eyes flickered open as a high mew of relief escaped her mouth. “Crowpaw!” She cried. “You have prey!”

Crowpaw dropped the shrews beside the molly, he tried not to look at how her ribs jutted when she moved to grab them. “That’s all we could find. I’m sorry there isn’t more.”

Whitetail shot him a wide-eyed glance, purring happily. “Don’t be mouse-brained! This is wondeful!” She stared down at the shrews like they were a pile of hares, then she nuzzled the kits closer to her belly. “Just wait a little longer, my darlings. I’ll soon have some milk for you.” Her eyes shone with love and when she smiled it looked like something she had almost forgotten how to do. “What do we say to Crowpaw?”

The kits mewed again, huddling to their mother for warmth.

Whitetail let out a soft mutter, laughing was too difficult these days. “They say thank you.”

Crowpaw dipped his head respectfully, “Tell them that they don’t need to. Any Warrior would do the same.” His eyes gently lifted to the white molly’s. “Also, let them know that whatever prey is given to me will be yours.”

An incredible gasp erupted from the Queen. “Don’t be ridiculous! I can’t accept that!”

“Yes you can.” Crowpaw said simply, “They need it more than me.”

“Crowpaw, that’s honourable of you to say so. But you are still an apprentice.” Her face was pure with gratitude. “You need your strength as well.”

“I’m strong enough as I am.” I don’t deserve to eat. “You look like you haven’t eaten for moons. You need to eat, I can survive without food for a few days.”

“Crowpaw, I-”

“With all due respect, Whitetail.” The apprentice said softly, lightly brushing his tail over the kits. “I’ve made up my mind. You won’t change it.”

Whitetail was silent with shock. Her face was a mix of awe and uncertainty. Crowpaw didn’t give her  the chance to argue further. “Sleep well.” He said, to her and her kits. Then he rose up and turned away. He needed to find Tallstar now. Moonhigh was not far away.

“Crowpaw!”

Crowpaw sighed, but he kept calm as he turned back to the starving mother.

Her smile was a white as her fur, and notably overcome with joyful appreciation. She took a bite out of her shrew and then ran her tongue slowly over her kit’s small pelts, happier than she had been in moons. “I’m glad you’re back. Windclan missed you.”

That wasn’t true, Crowpaw thought. But he nodded, feeling underserving of such kindness.

“I’ll do anything for Windclan.”

What else could he do?

If he didn’t he might as well not be alive.

[stardew-goblin]

why their favourite items are their favourite items for the bachelorettes? you can just pick one item if you like

OH I’ve been thinking about this since I started playing! I tried to do the things that aren’t as commonly thought about as favorites. I hope you enjoy! Thank you ily <3

HA so after doing all of the bachelors I re-read and realized it was only an ask for the bachelorettes SO you get both now hehe

Sebastian

Favorite thing: Pumpkin soup

His dad left them in the fall which is why he has an aversion to most of the autumn seasonal flavors

He was really attached to his dad as a baby so when he abandoned them it hurt Sebastian really badly

The one thing he can’t seem to stay away from is pumpkin soup though

Robin actually has cooked it since he can remember

It was his dads favorite too

It brings back the good memories he has from when his parents were together

Robin only makes it when Maru and Demetrius are out together doing sciency things

They sit on the couch together and watch old movies and bond while they eat it but Robin keeps it a secret because she knows he doesn’t like to come across as a softie

She’ll also make him some if she knows he’s particularly down. She’ll just run it down to his room, kiss him on the forehead, remind him that she’s always there if he needs to talk, and leaves him be

Sam

Favorite thing: Tigerseye

Before Kent could afford the mermaid pendant for Jodi, his mom gave him an old tigerseye ring to propose with

Sam always though it was more romantic than a stupid mermaid pendant (basic, duh)

He used to sit on his grandma’s lap as a kid and she would tell him all about his grandpa who died before Sam was born

He was poor, too, when they got married and he managed to trade some manual labor for the ring

It always reminds him of his family and how much he loves them

100% will propose with a tigerseye ring instead of a mermaid pendant

Harvey

Favorite thing: Coffee

Started drinking coffee in middle school

His grandma would always brew a pot while he was over and they would sit and chat about life

The smell of coffee always reminds him of her

He still makes it how she would make it for him. 2 spoonfuls of sugar. That’s it.

He regularly uses the coffee cup he would always use at her house

It has ducks on it with blue trim

Every year on the anniversary of her death he’ll bring a thermos and two cups and sit at her grave and drink coffee and talk about how life is going

He misses his grandma very much

Elliott

Favorite thing: Pomegranate

He knew Leah before he moved to the valley

They’ve been best friends for years

He gets sick a lot and tends to forget to take care of himself sometimes

Leah has always made sure he was okay

She would bring him fruits and soup and make sure he was staying hydrated

One day she brought a few pomegranates

How the fUCK do you eat a pomegranate ??

Leah help me please for the love Yoba what is this weird ass fruit you’ve brought to me on my death bed

Once he actually ate some though, he could not get enough.

It was the first thing he could actually taste in days and it was so sweet and flavorful

He will not buy his own pomegranates though.

It has to be a gift or it’s not the same

Shane

Favorite thing: Hot pepper

Used to struggle with really bad anxiety

He would disassociate a lot

Struggled with mental grounding techniques

So one day is dad was like

Here son

Bite into this hot ass pepper

It was so spicy that it snapped Shane back into reality

He used to keep a ziplock bag of hot peppers in his pocket

Sometimes will still bite into one if he’s particularly going through it

One time gave Sam one at work and told him it wasn’t spicy

Sam cried in the bathroom for 20 minutes

Now Shane has to keep his waterbottles with him at all times because Sam puts weird stuff in them as payback

Alex

Favorite thing: complete breakfast

Alex never wanted to leave his room after his mom died

He would cry himself to sleep every night

He refused to eat with his grandparents

Evelyn would make him hashbrowns, eggs, and pancakes with a side of milk every morning

And would leave it in his room for him to eat when he was hungry

And would always stick a note on the tray reading “breakfast is the most important meal of the day. I love you always. Grandma.”

She never pressured him to do something he didn’t want to do

But ALWAYS reminded him that he was loved

Complete breakfast reminds him that Evelyn loves him no matter what

It will always feel like a warm hug

Abigail

Favorite thing: Pufferfish

When Abigail was little, Pierre and Caroline used to take her to the aquarium in Zuzu City

Her favorite was always the pufferfish

She felt like she could relate to them

Always keeping people at an arms length

Tough when she has to be

She used to collect pufferfish plushies

Does not actually eat them

She could never

But she likes how you can die from consuming them incorrectly

Kicking ass from beyond the grave

Haley

Favorite thing: Coconut

She actually likes the smell more than anything but is a sucker for coconut shavings on her desserts

She’s allergic to coconut

But it isn’t deadly

Emily used to use coconut body spray to hide the weed smell when she was in high school

Haley thought Emily was so cool

Will always remind her of when her and her sister got along better

Haley has a mean streak but is very sentimental

She’ll still tease Emily about it

Keeps a small bottle of coconut body spray in her room for when she needs to feel better

Will not admit to anyone ever about why she likes coconut so much

Penny

Favorite thing: Tom Kha Soup

Elliott actually introduced Penny to the dish

Penny and Pam had gotten into a particularly nasty argument which left Penny in tears

It was pouring but she needed out of the trailer

She went to sit on the docks to listen to the ocean until she calmed down

Elliott saw her sitting alone in the cold rain and invited her inside

He was just about to sit down for one of his favorites, Tom Kha soup, and gladly prepared a bowl for Penny

She had never been close to Elliott even though she saw him at the library often

The soup was delicious

And she was blown away by his kindness and how easily she felt comfortable talking to him

She tries to cook it (it’s terrible)

She always beings some to Elliott (he never comments on how awful it is, and politely accepts it)

(He throws it in the ocean when she’s gone though)

Emily

Favorite thing: Survival burger

Emily is a vegetarian

Her favorite food before she went vegetarian was cheeseburgers

Her first girlfriend showed her how to make burgers from eggplant

She is the one who showed Gus how to make them and season them properly to taste good

She got Haley hooked on them too

She’s lowkey one of those vegetarians that wants everyone to be a vegetarian

Her favorite recipe to show off because it really does taste like a frickin burger

Maru

Favorite thing: Rhubarb Pie

Maru really wishes that she and Sebastian were still close

As small children they did everything together

She looked up to her big brother

They used to play in the lake by their house during summers

She would always catch frogs. It was her favorite thing.

They would come into the cool house when the sun went down and lounge on the couch watching cartoons

Robin would frequently make Rhubarb pie for dessert

Maru and Sebastian loved it

They would eat it in front of the TV and joke around with each other

Rhubarb Pie still reminds her of those warm summer nights when her big brother was still her best friend

Leah

Favorite thing: stir fry

The first time she ever tried stir fry was right before she moved to the valley

Like literally her last meal in the city was stir fry from a restaurant around the corner from her old apartment

It was their only option that had mostly vegetables and oh my Yoba was it delicious

The day she moved was the most hopeful day she’s ever had in her life

New beginnings were terrifying but Leah knew everything would be okay

She always makes stir fry before she tries something she’s terrified to do

It reminds her that new things are scary but she can really do anything she puts her mind to

[popurikat]

Ruin Teresa Agnes career. Aka: the Teresa analysis. Take all the time you need >:3

Okay I’m saying this right off the bat in case someone who stans this character misses the point above, but well I hate Teresa Agnes’ character in the maze series, both movie and book. However, in my analysis I will try to explain why her character misses the mark both as a villain and as a sympathetic character. So, to analyze her in depth, I’m putting this into parts under the read below. HEADS UP! As of now this analysis will exclude Death Cure Novel review as I have not finished that one, though it will mention one major spoiler I have been informed of from that book that I need to add for the sake of her character; other than that I will be discussing the other three novels before it (yes that is including the prequel Fever code) and the three movies from the series in broad ideas as I am not about to scavenge for quotes like I did in my last long post… well at least not as many.

Part 1: Teresa the master manipulator

No matter which way you look at it, Teresa has a way to bend others to her will, whether we blame WCKD for teaching her so well; or she used it as a means of survival, the idea still stands. Though she is extremely skilled in combat, especially at using spears and knives, Teresa’s biggest skill is her silver tongue, she can lie her way out of anything. Most evident is her betrayal in Scorch when she has such a good poker face that she not only convinces group B that Thomas is the problem they have to eradicate to get WCKD’s good side, but she also doesn’t hesitate to maim Thomas to the point of threatening to kill him: “Get in the room or I’ll hit you again. I swear I’ll keep doing it till you pass out or bleed to death” (Ch. 51). /sarcasm/ Charming ain’t she? /end of sarcasm/ The thing about lying though is that sometimes it backfires, for instance in the case of Group B, Harriet and Sonya hear Thomas out on why they shouldn’t kill him like Teresa asked, and when they listen and observe him they realize that Teresa is the worst and side with him; which in turn makes Teresa have to take drastic measures which involve getting Thomas alone with her to finish her duties to WCKD. Anyways, she even goes as far as to cement her betrayal by kissing Aris and crushing Thomas’ feelings by saying they were never a thing; she does this mind you without so much as breaking this character she builds up even though later she tries to say she still cares for Thomas. She is so convincing that Thomas has stated that: “Thomas had never heard such arrogance from her. She was either a really good actress or had started going crazy. Gained a split personality or two” (Ch. 45, Scorch). So yes, Teresa is too good at lying to the point I can say she can align as a Pathological Liar because she’s deceptive, goal-oriented in order to get HER way meaning she will not tolerate anyone interfering with her methods, she disregards the feelings of everyone around her, and she is constantly tweaking her excuses to adjust to the situations at hand. She is so good at lying she oozes self confidence when elaborating her defense by staring directly at the person she is talking to, unblinking, and will lash out in defense if someone calls her out on any inconsistencies. 

Mind you this isn’t the first instance we get at how well she turns the story to her favor. In Fever Code, she is the one to help put the Gladers in the maze and erase Thomas’ memories, which transfers in Maze Runner with how she openly gaslights everyone by pretending she doesn’t remember much about WCKD’s doings even though her memories are the only ones implied to be in tact based on that email she wrote in Fever Code: “I’ve just said my goodbye to Thomas, and he’s now in the Glade, safe and sound. Tomorrow, it will be my turn. Dr. Paige has asked me to send a final note to everyone, sharing my thoughts. I’m more than happy to do so. I feel good about the plan to leave my and Aris’s memories intact. You need someone in each group with whom you can communicate and plan during the phases of the Trials”(FC epilogue) and also based on this specific tid bit in Maze Runner where she slips she knows more than she lets on: “Though I guess a Griever can’t squeeze through this window, so I’ll be happy, right?” The mention of Grievers surprised him -- he didn’t remember talking about them to her yet. ‘Teresa are you sure you’ve forgotten everything?”(Ch.37, pg.246). Griever knowledge in general for Teresa in Maze seems to be code talk for “I am here to cause trouble, I kept my memories'' because during the sequence with the fiasco with the invasion of the species in Group A’s field, Teresa casually wakes up after the event’s commotion subsides earning Newt’s suspicion that maybe the map fire was not done on accident. Anyways, in keeping things down low and having an advantage in memory recollection, she ensures Thomas and co. don’t recall events correctly unless it's vital to her mission. And yes, Teresa will use violence and anger if necessary; she is perfectly fine with murder...”So we’re just going to kill them all? [...] They’ll die anyway [...] No, Tom, It’s be tough now or everyone dies later”(Ch. 47, Fever Code). Or even this small aside on her stance on death overall: “This is kind of fun,’ Teresa whispered to Thomas. ‘Walking along with my new friend.’ He looked at her in bemused disbelief. ‘Really? You drop that bombshell about kids dying and now you act like it’s no big deal? You’re so weird.’ He tried to make a joke out of it to hide just how horrified he’s been by her second question” (Ch. 9, pg. 55, FC). And she has killed, mind you, yes they were cranks, but they are still humanly conscious. Thomas in comparison shows pity about the fact that they were still human, Teresa didn’t bat an eye. And now, you might say “Hey Popuri, you know, she’s just willing to kill if it means saving everyone else right?” to which I go, sure she’s stated that if it means saving the rest it doesn’t matter if thousands or so die. However, she is also clear that she only cares about Thomas’ survival in specific, no one else; which immediately gets falsified by her “lie” in Scorch, thus she will kill anyone if need be no matter how close they are. What I’m saying is that not even Teresa has a clear path in why she manipulates everyone when she can so easily be convinced to make elaborate murder scenarios at the snap of WCKD’s fingers. She claims it's to save her “crush” but will not hesitate to shed his blood and drag him across the desert. 

She claims it's to help WCKD, that WCKD is good, but she has bore witness time and time again that the facility makes countless errors and knows there's no REAL cure available … and Teresa is a smart kid, so why continue believing a hopeless façade? Because she's desperate to cling to some hope? No. Teresa doesn’t do the whole hope thing, she's convinced WCKD is good period, there's nothing else. So, even if there is no evidence anymore she will fight tooth and nail for something she herself is trapped in because no one will want to be there for the girl who treated her only connections as poorly as WCKD treated her. Therefore, is it because she can’t help it then? I can only imagine that's the case. She’s willingly this puppet for WCKD, she could’ve escaped them any time she liked like Thomas and co. did, but she prefers to stay on the burning train even if it means her own demise because she refuses to admit any of her actions were wrong, the truth will NOT set her free because she cannot confront it. 

Moving forward, I wanna delve more into the whole telepathy dealio she specifically shares with Thomas and we actually never really learn if she can talk to others as she evades the question when it does arrive in book. The only certain thing is that if you have a chip, you can talk using your mind. Now this would be a fine plot device, but in the hands of someone who wants to control your every move and thought, well....”Thomas, this is Teresa. He was going crazy. He was actually going crazy. It was the oldest and most common symptom -- hearing voices in your head. ‘Uh...’, he said aloud. Is this working? Is this working? The last words landed between his eyes like a thunderbolt. The pain knocked his legs out from under him and he collapsed onto the floor. Never had the world felt so fluid beneath him, as if nothing solid existed, no form, no substance“ (Ch.20 , pg. 112, FC). So first things first, Thomas hates it when he gets a mind message, he feels extreme pain when someone tries it, this is recurrent throughout the series. He has told her a few times not to contact him through that method, but it's their little secret and besides, if he told anyone who would believe him? “Teresa shrugged. ‘You didn’t tell anyone, did you? They’d think we’re crazy“(Ch.36, Maze Runner). So we have a situation where Teresa has a huge way of overpowering Thomas, she can send images to his head without his consent and yell into his mind even if it means it hurts him. And the kicker? She doesn’t teach him how to use it on purpose. And when he tries to contact her? Well depending on her mood she can either be flirty or... well this: “Teresa? A pause. Teresa? A longer pause. Teresa! He shouted it mentally, his whole body tensing with effort. Teresa! Where are you? Please answer me! Why aren’t you trying to contact me? Ter- /GET OUT OF MY HEAD!/ The words exploded inside his mind, so vivid and so strangely audible within his skull that he felt lances of pain behind his eyes and in his ears. He sat up in bed, then stood. It was her. It was definitely her. Teresa? He pressed the first two fingers of both hands against his temples. Teresa? /WHOEVER YOU ARE , GET OUT OF MY SHUCK HEAD!/ Thomas stumbled backward until he sat down once again on the bed. His eyes were closed as he concentrated. Teresa, what are you talking about? It’s me. Thomas. Where are you? /SHUT UP!/ It was her, he had no doubt, but her mental voice was full of fear and anger /JUST SHUT UP! I DON’T KNOW WHO YOU ARE! LEAVE ME ALONE!/ But, Thomas began completely at a loss [...] /LEAVE ME ALONE, OR I’LL HUNT YOU DOWN AND CUT YOUR THROAT. I SWEAR IT. “ (Ch.8, FC). *sarcasm* ah yes, nothing says true love like a death threat that actually comes to near fruition later in that same book and pretending to not know that person only to later, upon meeting Thomas acting like a sobbing mess, kiss him and disappear...she sure knew him then huh? *end of sarcasm* Having a power imbalance in a relationship is, you know, not good, especially when you’re making it so you gaslight the person anytime they know something you don’t want them to or to have control over the situation. Teresa does this OFTEN. To the point that it makes Thomas so emotionally attached to her he finds it hard to admit he doesn’t need her, even when he’s been badly hurt. 

 Part 2: Your past does not excuse your bad actions in the present. Period.

Now let me clear something up, PAST ABUSE does not CONDONE you to HURT OTHERS in turn, let alone allows you to use it as an excuse to justify wrong actions. I am aware Teresa, aka Deedee, was abandoned due to an outbreak of the flare at an early age; had her name changed, was confined to a room with Thomas as her only friend who was the same age as her, and openly manipulated by adults to believe WCKD is good. But you know who else goes through the same treatment? LITERALLY EVERY KID EXPOSED TO THIS EXPERIMENT! AND THEY DON’T THREATEN EACH OTHER IF THEY DON’T GET THEIR WAY OR KILL EACH OTHER. And this is not said in order to justify that everyone with the same experiences will have the same reactions, I understand stressors and trauma affect everyone differently and acknowledge everyone needs a different support system. But like, for peeps sake, Thomas who is Teresa’s exact foil as a narrative play to show that they are more alike than they realize which is the flimsiest proof to grab at as to why they need each other to an extent; literally has the exact same story cut and paste from her and he has more empathy and compassion to those around him, than Teresa ever shows. WHY? If the idea is to show Teresa has hardened from her own experiences, she should in theory act more like Brenda, a renegade civilian that isn’t soft for anyone except the boy who will save her. I know in my explanation I compare Thomas and Teresa a lot, but it's hard not to when Teresa, though having Aris as another buddy who is also in on the whole WCKD scheme, still decides to CLING to Thomas to be her saving grace. And the thing is, even if she only ever trusted Thomas in this whole experiment, then why not confide in him or tell him what is happening? She doesn’t LISTEN to anything he says to her in turn. YES, Teresa knows more about the situation as a whole, YES she is capable of doing things by herself, but she never trusts anyone. You’d think she would be more open to talking to the kids her age or be the quiet type because she knows what will happen to them all if they don’t comply; but no, I can’t even describe her personality other than stoic one moment and complete chaos in the next, and she does that switch VERY often. But sure, she prefers to skew half truths and put everyone in danger because ….WCKD? She’s supposed to be the intellectual one and she doesn’t know how to spread her capabilities, no wonder Brenda is introduced in the second book.

It's also incomprehensible to me why she feels it necessary to follow WCKD in general when she was the first to know of all their evil doings? “They were at the door when Teresa stopped and asked Dr. Leavitt a question. Two, actually. And it was enough to change the man’s demeanor completely. ‘What’s a swipe trigger? And is it true that seven kids died during the implant surgeries?’ The questions stunned Thomas. He turned to look at Teresa as the doctor fumbled for an answer. ‘How...’ the man began, then stopped, realizing at the same moment what Thomas did: Teresa had stumbled on something major. Something true”(Ch. 9, pg.54, FC). You’d think she would have the maturity to one up WCKD and knock them from the inside out to save the one she “loves'' but she doesn’t, instead she abides by the facility...even when knowing they are the ones who made the Flare in the first place. Call me naïve, but wouldn’t it make sense that if she wants to help stop the Flare than it would be in her best interest to hold Ava at an inch of her life (and Ratman) until she fesses up how to reverse the Flare, only to then realize oops there never was a possibility for a cure ~, but in knowing this finally be rid of the one thing holding her back? Again, someone can argue that hey, she thinks the people who made it HAVE to eventually find the termination and either way what possible choice does she have when her own manipulators control her? But remember, in the end it's always been a huge experiment to eliminate the human populace, and that's motive enough to rebel and/or snap at the hand that feeds when it's gone too far. EVERYONE has a breaking point mentally and physically, THOMAS BREAKS DOWN SEVERAL TIMES IN THE SPAN OF THE SERIES BECAUSE HE CAN’T MAKE SENSE OF THE EXPERIMENTS AND THE REASON TO CONTINUE SURVIVING ONLY ON WCKDS TERMS. And it drives me insane that Teresa would openly keep the Gladers from knowing about their procedures when she has known the longest from everyone else! Oh? You want evidence that Teresa keeps her memories intact and lies about ever losing them, sure! Here, have a morsel: “Teresa..., he started to say, but then stumbled a void. He had no idea how to respond. Did you....did you already know this stuff? /I’ve heard rumors./ And you never told me? He was stunned. How could she have known this and never said anything? She was his best friend. The first person he went to with everything. /I just don’t see the point. Yes, we have reason to hate these people. But how is dwelling on the past going to help anybody? The solution is what matters./ Thomas had never been so blindsided in his life.../I’m really tired, Tom. Can we talk about it tomorrow?/ She was gone from his mind before he could respond [...] The next day Teresa refused to talk about it, emphasizing that she’d rather focus on the future than the past Dr. Paige also blew it off, saying that those decisions had been made well before her time. it was almost like they were both determined to forget” (Ch. 43, pg. 239, FC). TALK ABOUT BECOMING THE ONE THING THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO OVERCOME. Like goodness sake, Teresa was part of the prep and launch of putting each Glader into the Maze and she never doubted it, never fussed over how this was bad. The excuse of “this is for their own good, my own good, and the world’s” can only go so far when you are in an environment that is full of violence and trauma, you expect me to not believe Teresa just never broke down and truly analyzed how she can use her lies to one up her own abusers? She’s supposed to be this “empowering” female character and she can’t even get THAT right. 

Part 3: How come the films did it better?

The film actually humanizes her a lot more and makes her motives at least justifiable in a fit of protecting the one you love. I know a lot of people dislike her character in the movies because it's more frail and sympathetic, but it was a very good way to justify her motives and plan out her actions from point A to point B. What do I mean by that? Let's take a look. Film Teresa enters the Maze without the ability to communicate to Thomas through telepathy, she still has her memories and she is still in close contact with WCKD, that much is still the same. Her motive though is to get everyone out of the maze and into stage 2 where the facility can round up the ones who have been viewed to be immune through the Maze Trials. So far so good, but pretty on par with the book right? Well, here is where it differs for the best. On the last act of Scorch, Teresa tells Thomas WITH SENTIMENT, no more lies and no more hiding that she contacted WCKD because it was needed to keep Thomas alive and well. WOW, notice how she doesn’t emotionally manipulate him and her innocent nature of trusting the scientists of her world to cure everyone actually leads her to be more sympathetic and relatable to the audience? In Death Cure, she doesn’t expect Thomas or ANYONE to forgive her for her actions and in fact takes her actions at face value. This Teresa is more understanding of the phrase “You can change, but those you’ve wronged have no obligation to forgive you” than book Teresa ever will. To the point that when she finds Thomas in the city and has bore witness to the startling realization that there indeed could be no cure cause her patient flares back up; of which is intentionally a little girl to reflect without showing that she can relate to the Flare stripping away her childhood, she then betrays WCKD by allowing the Gladers to infiltrate the facility, thus redeeming her when she dies in the explosion. Thus, making her in the film's eyes an anti-hero. As Skquill once told me, “Film teresa really did want to create a better future, and wanted to help people and that's what I like about film teresa. It didn't work. It literally blew up in her face. But, she tried, and she saved Thomas in the end.”

The only reason I don’t like Teresa even in the film is because she is kind of a wet blanket there, barely expresses any emotion beyond stoic token girl that cries sometimes, and she could’ve saved herself the whole betrayal arc if she just learned to better communicate her intentions instead of sobbing pathetically every time no one wants anything to do with her for her ill doings.Not to mention she still maintains her personality to a degree from the book (just call her diet Teresa really) because once both enter the sequence in Scorch where they ran out of pawns to move around they claim that they did what they had to do and they wouldn’t change a thing, they’d do it again if they could. It is only when both are at death’s door with no other choice that they give in some noble sacrifice at a chance for redemption, which is well too little too late. And in the opposing corner of knowing some people blame Thomas for not just allowing himself to be experimented on since the beginning, my rebuttal to be fair is that Teresa just again, sucked at explaining herself and the intentions of WCKD until it was deserving of a literal showdown bloodbath that evidently Tommy boy had to take defense to and threaten his life if anyone else died due to miscommunications. ALSO, IT'S HIS OWN BODY, HE CAN DO WHAT HE WANTS WITH IT INSTEAD OF HAVING OTHERS DICTATE WHAT HE NEEDS TO DO.

BUT ANYWAYS, book Teresa in comparison has even less characterization, I am sorry to say. SHE'S BARELY IN SCORCH AS IS, only coming out toward the climax because before that she is crying and kissing Thomas before going MIA for 45 chapters. Ouch. And when she does appear? She purposefully causes trouble that leads to essentially no where, we could’ve gotten to the safe haven way sooner without her interference.

Part 4: Is Book Teresa a good female character?

 The simple answer? No.

The slightly longer answer? Even if I were to place her as the villain of the story she’s...not that good? Mostly because again, she acts as a puppet for a rich, governmental organization that basically implants how she should think and act. YET, somehow she is still smart, brave, lethal, and *ahem* UNBELIEVABLY BEAUTIFUL WITH HER LONG HAIR THAT IS BASICALLY DESCRIBED THE EXACT SAME WAY AS BRENDA’S, WHO FYI IS THE SLIGHTLY BETTER FEMALE LEAD THAT STILL CAN’T HOLD A COIN TO SONYA OR HARRIET (the background characters) THOUGH. I also need to say plainly, she has no gradual growth, she remains by her ideals and thinks she's right constantly in all but one book...which is one book too late and thus made meaningless. By no means is Teresa a mary sue, yet she still manages to be a stereotype in Maze Runner: “If you’re going to decipher a hidden code from a complex set of different mazes, I’m pretty sure you’ll need a girl’s brain running the show”(ch.43); then again going most of the book in Scorch missing, and then unceremoniously gets crushed by a boulder in Death Cure as her final hurrah for all the bs she caused isn’t really a means to become a memorable character. This is the female supportive character I’m supposed to relate to and or praise for her dastardly, cunning intellect?  If I were looking for a strong female with various flaws and a tragic end I would saunter over to Hunger Games’ Katniss instead. Teresa fails as a character the moment that her sole purpose is to be so emotionally/physically attached to Thomas that her whole character gets washed down the gutter so badly that Kill Order had to be made to justify her actions through a tragic backstory. In no way or form was I able to entertain this character as a favorite because she is everything I don’t want to be or befriend, and even as again, a “villain” she doesn’t exactly do much as the real masterminds are Ava and her cronies who MADE the disease and the trials. Even going as far as calling her an anti-hero feels off because none of her actions deliberately affect the plot or progress of our main character’s story. But that's kind of the thing with D*shner’s characterization of females overall? They’re either brutish or simply there. I don’t think any of them even pass the Bechdel Test. 

Final thoughts:

I don’t like Teresa, I would personally fight her in a Denny’s parking lot at 3am if I could. I recall saying multiple times how she should just “shut up” as I read Maze and Scorch because most of her quotes are not memorable nor important. But in no way do I blame the character for the angst and tragedy of the novels overall. D*shner just...doesn’t seem to know how to make honest character growth and a decent plot, thus, in turn the story and its leads suffer tremendously as the narrative gets stretched out. (me yelling in the distance about how Crank Palace was made for clout). HOWEVER, In no way should my analysis stop people from finding Teresa as interesting or “cool”, I actually ENCOURAGE anyone that stans her to explain why to me because I personally don’t understand why beyond thinking “I just think she's chaotically evil and her treachery is fun to witness”. COOL IF THAT'S THE REASON OR EVEN IF YOU RE-WROTE HER TO BE BETTER! I just personally don't find her presence necessary for plot progression or as a love interest in general. It in fact sucks that she gets essentially replaced by Brenda almost as soon as the opportunity arises. In turn though, for others who don’t like her either as much as me, feel free to add onto this post any other “Teresa sucks and here's why” moments as I know there's a lot of moments out there to quote or paraphrase. Thanks for reading~

[endydancer1]

We used to be strangers | Part 6

Pairing: Tom Holland x Y/N Lincoln

Summary: Tom has just finished his latest movie and his heading back home to London. While he is passing the high building, suddenly something happens what changes his life completely. What is the shadow up there?

WARNING: Mentions of injuries, blood, depression, thinking of suicide.

..................................................................................

"Tom, get the fuck out of the bathroom! You are having a shower for almost an hour! There are 3 other boys living in this house if you haven't noticed yet!" Haz was forcefully knocking on the bathroom door. He had been standing there for good 20 minutes. Tom had went to the shower at 10 am and it was almost 11! Finally the lock clicked and the door opened showing naked Tom  wearing only a towel around his waist.

TOM'S POV:

"Holy Odin, thank you. What did take you so long?! Don't tell me you were actually showering 60 minutes!" Haz looked at me a bit annoyed.

"I was. I am sorry. I needed to shave and clean myself properly." I glanced innocently at him.

"Oh so you had to shave. Why?  Are you going on a date? You normally don't spend that much time in a shower even if you are shaving. So what's up?"

"No, I don't have a date. I just.. Want to look nice, you know? I am coming to hospital to see Y/N."

"Oh, I see now. So you are finally falling for someone new. And while she is in hospital she can't run away from you when you would want to play with her, right?" Haz teased.

I just rolled my eyes and pushed him out of my way.

"Yeah, that's my dark plan. But it's a secret, don't tell anyone or I will be forced to play with you too." I smirked and walked into my room.

"You need someone to play with you already cuz you are unbearable." I heard Haz laughing before I closed the door behind me.

"Well, what should I wear?" I was standing on one place for good 3 minutes directly looking into my closet. - What am I doing? I have never been thinking that much about what should I wear on the regular day. I don't even shower that long. Was it really an hour?- I looked at my phone. - It was! Oh God. I wasn't that nervous and didn't care that much about my look even when I went on a first date with Anna. And another thing is I don't even have a date today! It's just.. Casual visit of someone I saved, right?- I just sighed and took step closer to my closet.

"Hmm, what about this? Jeans with denin jacket. It's a bit casual, but hey, I won't spoil anything with that." I dried my hair, dressed myself and walked out of my room. There was no one except me and Haz in the house.

"Harrison? Are you ready? Can we go?" I shouted waiting in front of his room.

"I am waiting for you in the living room you div!"

"Sorry! I thought you were still in your room!" I came down to living room.

"Well not everyone is as slow as you." He stood up and took his car keys. "Let's go!"

After lunch we went to the shopping centre, because I needed to buy something for Y/N.

"Uhm, Haz? What should I buy for Y/N? I promised her to watch movies with her, but I don't know which she would want to watch."

"Well, you probably should have asked her."

"You are not helping mate!"

"I am sorry, I am sorry, I am just messing with you,haha. Well, from what you have already said about her, she doesn't know you are an actor. So probably you can show her one of your movies."

"I don't think it would be a good idea. I don't want to look like a selfish prick. And.. What if she is that kind of girl who would want me only because of my money and fame?" I glanced at my feets and played with my fingers nervously.

"Tom, I understand, but you said she sent you a heart emoji and it's a good sign!" Haz poked my arm gently and a laugh a bit.

"Yeah, but she probably saw my Instagram profile and she probably knows I am famous by now."

"Well..it's also possible, but maybe she doesn't know yet. You know what then? Take one or two Marvel movies. Iron Man or Thor, or Avengers, to see if she like these kind of movies, take some romantic comedies, you know, because girls like them, right? Take your favourite movie and maybe.. Oh yeah, try any of your movies where you were young. If she notices it, you know? The Impossible or In the heart of the sea? "

" That can actually works. Thank you Haz, what would I do without you." I smiled at him. "And we should borrow it from movie rental, because I doubt they have Netflix in the hospital." I chuckled. We borrowed 5 movies.

"Mate look at this hoodie! I need it! Haz, I need it!"

"Oh God Tom, you have tons of Spiderman hoodies! You really don't need another one..."

"But look at it!"

"It's just saying Mr. Stark I don't feel so good! Tom, this meme is over."

"Well not for me. I am gettin' it and you can't do anything about it!"

"God, fine! Buy it, but hurry up if you want me to take you to hospital." Haz rolled his eyes and waited for me outside the shop.

"I've got it! Yay!" I rushed out of the shop full of joy from my new purchase.

"You are such a kid Tom, you know? How old are? 5?" He laughed at me. "Let's go. You should buy some snacks."

"Why? I am the snack, she can eat me" I joked.

"Or you can eat her, huh?"

"Harrison! But yeah.. Maybe I will!"

"One day.." Haz sticked his tongue out.

We teased each other the whole ride to the hospital. Harrison told me to call him when I wanted him to pick me up. We said our goodbye and I went into the building.

"Good afternoon Mrs. Brown. How are you? I know I am here a bit early, but I here to visit Y/N." I smiled at young lady at the reception. Her face had already dropped while I spoke. Sad smile appeared on her face.

"I am sorry, Mr. Holland. You should go home and rather forget about her."

"W-what? Why? What happened? Is she okay?"

"I shouldn't be telling you this, but she probably won't survive much longer."

"What? You have to be joking? I was talking to her yesterday. She was fine. What happened? If it has something to with that Melendez guy I am sorry. But ple, don't joke about her dying, I.."

"I am not joking, Mr. Holland. I would have never joked about such a thing. She is my best friend. And she is dying. So please,don't make it even harder for me."

"C-can I.. Can I at least see her? One last time?"

"I am sorry, you can't. She is on fluid resuscitation right now."

I could feel my eyes started watering. I felt familiar anxiety and my heart almost stopped working. My palms started sweating, I felt dizzy. I had to sit down for a moment.

"Do you need water, Mr. Holland?"

I wasn't able to speak. My voice was caught deep in my throat. My eyes were blankly staring at the wall in front of me. I didn't even notice when she left to grab me some water.

"Here, drink it." She handed me cup of water and crunched in front of me. "Listen, I know how you feel. Y/N is amazing person, you don't know her for a long time, but I am sure you could see that. She doesn't deserve to die like this and this soon, but it's what it is. We have to deal with it. She wouldn't want you to cry over her death. She would want you to continue your life with joy. Let's honour every moment we could spend with her and if the worst comes, we should let her die in peace. " She gently rubbed the back of my hand. I looked at her with puffy red eyes.

" I don't want her to die. " I said with raspy voice.

" I know. Me neither, but she was diagnosed with severe damages to her body, her condition is really miserable and there is only a small chance of her to survive this even with the best doctors and facilities."

I growled and put my head into my hands. I didn't even try to keep my sobbs quiet. Mrs. Brown hugged me tightly.

" Psst. It will be okay. I feel the same. You are not alone. But you should go home now. Spend some time with your family and friends. It's okay to cry, but don't let it affect you in other ways. Do you have someone to pick you up?"

"What's her diagnose? What happened? Can you at least tell me so I know when she.. When she dies what causes it?"

"She suffers a septic shock. It's severe condition when 50% of patients dies, because of multiple organs failure."

"But.. She was okay yesterday. How could it happened?"

"Septic shock is caused by sepsis which does not respond the treatment.  Your blood pressure drops to a dangerously low level after sepsis."

"Oh my God." I gulped and felt dizzy again. My skin was pale.

"Mr. Holland, look at me. Do you have someone to take you home? Can you give me your phone so I can call you someone?"

I can't remember properly how I managed to unlock my phone and handed it to her. Her voice was muffled and my head hurt. I didn't know how much time passed, but suddenly Harrison appeared in front of me.

" Hey, mate. I am here, I am here. Can you stand up? I am taking you home." He helped me to stand up and led me in the car. He managed to sat me on the front seat.

"Wait for me I need to speak to the nurse. Can you do that?"

I nodded absently. He walked back to the nurse I was talking to, Mrs. Brown. She explained what happened and what he should do with me. After a minute or two, Haz took me home. I cant tell you how long the ride was, because only thing I could think about was Y/N. She was dying. Dying and I couldn't help her. I only spoke to her for a few hours, but I had already felt the bond between us. I couldn't lose her. I didn't want to be sad, broken. Not again. Not after Anna. I prayed in my head. I prayed so hard. - Please God, I have already lost the love of my life. Please, I don't want to see another person die. I have just started to have feelings for another woman, after years of being alone and crying over my sweet angel, I found another one, or at least I think I found. And you want to take her from me too? -

"Tom, Tom, please look at me. Don't cry mate, I know it's hard. I am here. Please look at me." Haz was looking at me, obviously worried. Somehow he managed to lay me down on my bed.

"Tom, do you need something? A water or something to eat?" he sat next to me on bed. I stayed quiet, not really listening what he was saying. He just sighed.

"I will give you some space. You should sleep a bit. I will be downstairs if you need something." He stood up and walked to the door.

"Stay.. Please.. I need you."

A/N: Let me know what you think about this story so far. Sorry for my English, it's not my first language and I am new with this. So I would be happy and thankful about the feedback. Have a nice day! 😊

[nonstoplover]

For The Better (two) ~ Michael Corleone

masterlist

Summary:  (y/n) is back to living life alone, and it’s not long until she finds company to divert her thoughts from the fight whilst Michael keeps on trying to find a way to win his wife back. 

Words: 4.2K

Approximate reading time: about 20 mins

A/N: since i received so many likes and reblogs on the first part (which i'm incredibly grateful for), i decided to continue it. i hope it didn't turn out too cheesy and bad. if there'll be the same amount of interest in this part too, i'll maybe write a prologue even! something about how they met maybe. i hope you enjoy ♡

previous chapter

The days seem to end faster than before since I always find something important to do, not like when I was still living in the house.

There I had to keep myself busy with cleaning, rearranging the photo frames on the shelves and walls in our shared room with Michael, reading or just (slightly impatiently) waiting for him to finally finish work and be able to spend some time with me.

Now I have all the freedom I wanted, I spend every minute with something to help make this world a better place.

It feels good to help people in need, and it's never enough to make me fully satisfied, but I have to admit that even though it's the most important thing in my life and I love doing it with every fibre of my being, I almost only do this with such motivation and force to keep Michael Corleone out of my mind.

It's pretty effective, I have to say. Diving into my work even when it's the middle of the night is enough for me to stop thinking about my husband and the life I've been living until only two weeks ago.

Usually I work until I'm so dead exhausted that I faint from tiredness and only wake up in the morning when I have to leave for another meeting or something else that's work-related.

Habits from my previous lifestyle stay with me, for instance, I always keep the small revolver I got a few years back (a unique one specifically designed for me) in my handbag, ready for using.

I still keep an eye on the news of that world, the one I left behind, only hoping that I won't find anything terrible about the Corleone family, my family.

Every day I notice someone who's watching over me, probably because Michael ordered it, and about every three days Connie, Fredo or even Tom appears at my door to ask about me.

These conversations always go the same. They ask me how I'm feeling, I politely answer. They ask me if I had changed my mind about leaving them, I say no, not yet. They ask me if I need anything, money or protection, I say no, I'm fine. They incidentally tell me about how miserable Michael's feeling, and I close off all my real emotions, pretending that it doesn't affect me, when in reality, it feels like another sliver is breaking off from my heart every time I hear his name.

Usually as soon as they leave, I break down crying right there on the floor, and stay there for at least another hour or so until I can calm down and convince myself yet again that what I did was the right choice.

Weeks go by like this slowly turning into months, and the only difference is that the number of occasions of a Corleone visiting me is slowly starting to get rarer and rarer with time until it all comes to an end. None of them knock on my door anymore, trying to convince me to come back.

I think they accepted the fact that I've chosen. And that my decision simply can't include their lifestyle. Not for now, anyway. I told Michael I need a break, and I'm keeping myself to it.

I'm slowly getting better, mentally and physically as well, I can feel it in my blood and my bones. I feel much calmer all the time, anxiety and fear completely disappearing from inside of me, only that little emptiness stays. The part of me that loves him, misses him and needs him. The part I closed off when I walked out of his office that night.

I manage to make a couple friends even in this short amount of time, all through work or living in the same neighbourhood, and I even start to live a more proper social life, occasionally going out to pubs, even a couple parties as well, or simply just the pictures once in a while.

No one seems to know who I am, or more precisely who I was, no one connects me to the Corleone family anymore. And for this little while it feels nice to be just (y/n). Not (y/n) Corleone, not Mrs Corleone, just plain old (y/n).

One Friday my friend Marjorie convinces me to accompany her to a party held by one of her friends, and then only a couple hours later I'm standing on the staircase leading to the front door of a huge house, my arm linked with my friend's.

Music slightly sweeps out through the door as we wait for it to open, then the usual greetings and introductions take place as soon as Marjorie's friend opens the door.

Only an hour later I find myself sitting on the stairs inside the house, half-heartedly listening to the chaotic noise the music and people's chatter causes, but mostly I'm just deep in thought.

"How come a beautiful lady like you not being out there on the dancefloor?" A male voice suddenly speaks above me out of nowhere.

I spin my head around in curiosity, seeing a young man slowly walking down the stairs behind me. I scoot to the side to give him more space to walk by me, a shy smile on my face from the given compliment.

"I guess I'm not in the mood for it at the moment," I admit with a shrug.

"Glad I'm not alone then," the man chuckles as he passes me, stopping at the end of the stairs, his arm held out towards me. "I'm John, by the way."

"I'm (y/n), nice to meet you."

"Mind if I join you?" John signals towards my seat and with a polite motion of my arm I let him sit next to me.

We spend the following one or two hours talking before I decide to eventually go home. John immediately offers to walk me home, and I gladly take his offer. Who would want to walk alone at this late hour anyway?

Throughout our walk I try to make myself confess to him that I'm married, I don't want him having false hope, I don't want to give him mixed signals. But I just can't. There's never a moment I could say something like this.

And a part of me feels so good that after such a long time, a man shows interest again in me.

In the end, we part ways and I close the door behind me, leaning against the wooden surface, the weight of the truth still pulling me down.

It's not like you did anything wrong, I have to remind myself. You had a conversation with an interesting person, then walked home with him so it'd be less dangerous out in the streets. There's nothing wrong in it.

But somehow it still feels bad. The fact that I've spent time with a man without Michael's knowledge makes it feel like I'm doing something bad.

It's not like I'll ever meet John again.

Oh how wrong I was.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Third Person's Perspective:

Michael's unstoppably pacing up and down in front of the desk in his office, impatiently waiting to hear the latest news about his wife.

He doesn't even notice how late it is in the evening, all he cares about is to finally hear a knock on his door.

Half an hour later he's raging. The poor young boy he sent out tonight to watch over (y/n) stands in the corner, fear clear in his eyes. He's never seen his boss act so mad before.

Michael already forgot about the boy, all he can think about is the image of his wife and another man inside his head.

Could (y/n) really get over him this fast? Did he mess this up so bad that it truly is over?

Suddenly he feels like crying, again, and this makes him even more angry. He can't believe he acts so childish. A grown man should never cry. At least that's what he learnt in this world.

He storms out of the room without taking further notice of the now obviously shaking boy, determined to talk with Tom as soon as possible.

- - - - - - - - - - - 1 week later - - - - - - - - - -

Michael slowly gets out of the car, his eyes never leaving the outline of his wife inside the café on the other side of the street.

He decides to stay in the shadows, and luckily he finds a free table at the café opposite to the one (y/n) is sitting in.

He sits down, and whilst pretending to read the newspaper in his hands, he keeps an eye on her.

Ever since he found out about that other man, he himself goes every time to watch them interact instead of sending someone else.

There have been already a couple meetings he have stormed out from because of this, nothing seemed as important as his wife.

His wife. His. Is she even still that? He ponders, chewing on his bottom lip until he feels the familiar taste of blood on his tongue.

His glance travels back towards the other side of the street, trying to figure out with examining eyes what she feels from the way she moves and behaves.

He can almost swear there's nothing flirty or romantic in her behaviour, nothing but a simple friendliness, and that wouldn't be surprising. (y/n) has always been the kindest person he ever met in this world.

But still, that little voice in his mind keeps repeating that on that Saturday night, he walked her home, arms linked, looking cozy from what that poor kid he sent out to watch her reported.

His heart aches every time he sees her smile, or when her shoulders lightly shake as she's laughing away at something the man said because it's not him that made her happy.

Still, he can almost even hear the sound of her giggle in his ears, the most beautiful sound ever existed. Oh, how much he misses to hear it.

He feels his fingers curl, nails digging into the skin of his palm as anger sparks up in chest again.

He would do anything just to be able to talk with her, hear her voice and feel her presence around him again.

He needs her to survive, to stay alive, more than anything or anyone, now he knows it, and he can only hope that he'll be able to tell it to her soon.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

(y/n)'s Perspective:

John takes the truth like a true gentleman. He says he's not even that much surprised. He says, I always thought that there's no chance for such a lovely woman like you to be without a husband.

But he still insists on us keeping in touch, he says I became one of his greatest friends since that party, and I have to admit, it feels lovely to be able to speak with someone who understands me in such a level.

I tell him all my thoughts and feelings about Michael and our marriage, even the reason why I decided to take a break, with successfully not giving away who he is and what his job is.

I tell him how much I miss my husband, our conversations, how even after all that negativity and pain I experienced in the past year I still yearn to be by his side, to be a member of that family. How wonderful it felt to belong somewhere after growing up in such a corrupt, non-loving family that only cared about social ranks and money.

I tell him how when I can't sleep, it's Michael's face I see in the dark, and when I'm feeling down or when I'm anxious, I try and repeat his words and his voice, as if he's right by my side, calming me.

I tell him how I still love him with every beat of my heart. Every breath I take is for him. Every thought I have is about him. Every waking moment his image fills up my mind.

John offers amazing, useful advice that help clear my mind enough so I can think the whole situation through from another point of view.

One day we decide to take a walk in the nearest park, trying to enjoy the warm weather as much as we can after finishing our drinks in the café we always go to.

On the way there, I feel so free and happy that I take a few steps ahead of John only to twirl around, my arms spread wide in the air and a giggle escaping my lips.

Just as I'm turning back, my eyes follow my moves and suddenly see something I have not at all expected to see. I take a double take, squinting a bit so I can see in the shadows on the other side of the street more easily.

When I find what I was searching for, my heart skips a beat. It truly is him. Michael.

I immediately start marching towards him, not even glancing around before stepping on the road, John's worried exclaims following me in the air as he tries to keep up with my sudden, fast pace.

Michael stays in one place, watching me motionlessly. He knows there's nothing he can do after being noticed. He knows now that I know he has been watching me.

His eyes are cold, his face emotionless as I reach him. My heart feels so happy that the oh-so-waited sight is finally in front of me that it takes me a few moments to register that he's not so happy to see me.

To see us at least. Because the next moment his eyes shift towards the just arriving man accompanying me, and his whole body just goes even stiffer.

Then his eyes move back to me, and we stare at each other for a couple silent minutes, waiting for the other to say something.

Me, for a reason as to why he's always following me or for a sign that he realised what we have is something that's not worth throwing away.

Him, probably for a reason as to why I'm spending my time with another man.

"(y/n), is everything alright?" John speaks quite lowly next to me. "You know who this is, maybe we should just leave."

For a moment I think he knows. That somehow he managed to figure it out that my husband, the man I complained so much about is actually the head of the Corleone family.

But then I realise he's only talking about the man in front of us being Michael Corleone. Not my husband, just the mafia boss.

Michael glances back at John and if looks could kill, I'm sure he'd be dead by now. I never thought those chocolate brown eyes could look so cold.

"It's alright, John. We're fine," I answer, eyes never leaving my husband.

"What do you-" he starts to ask, but suddenly Michael snaps, shutting him up in a millisecond.

"She said it's alright, didn't you hear?"

And even though his voice is harsh, cold, angry and full of some kind of hatred, it still sends a shiver down my spine and butterflies fly around in my stomach.

After so many nights of trying to remember his voice in my ears it's a true miracle to actually hear it.

"You can leave me here, John, I have a few things I need to do." I turn towards him, fingers lightly touching his arm to make him place his full attention on me.

"I'm not leaving you alone with this man," he shakes his head swiftly, the tone of his voice giving proof how negatively he's thinking of the man in front of us.

Michael's already taking a step towards him, arms moving to his side but since I know him so well, I'm right in front of him in under a millisecond, palm against his chest to calm him down like I did so many times before.

"It's okay, Michael," I speak lowly. "We don't want to make a scene, now do we?"

Shooting a quick glance at John above my shoulder I can see that his mouth is wide open, jaw dropped down to the ground as the thoughts clearly chase around in his mind fast. He's trying so hard to process what he has just seen, and when he does, his eyes widen, matching the other parts of his facial expression.

"You... he... your husband is Michael Corleone?" His voice shows nothing but pure shock as he manages to understand the situation.

"He knows you're married?" Michael's voice rings in my ear, making me look back at him immediately, my arms falling back to my side as I take a half step back.

He looks almost the same surprised as John, he obviously didn't think this to be the case.

"Yes, he is, and yes, he knows." I answer to the both of them before looking deep in Michael's eyes. "I think we should go somewhere more private now. We have quite a lot of things to talk about."

Michael nods, so I turn back towards John.

"I'm honestly sorry that we can't make it to the park today, but we'll catch up another day, alright? I think you know how important it is now for me and my husband to have a conversation..."

"Absolutely, yes, I know. I hope everything goes right," John nods, his voice still a little raspy from the shock he just went through.

"I'll talk to you later then, if that's okay with you."

He nods once more before slowly turning around and making his way away from us.

"So what do you think, can we use your office?" I look back at my husband, and he nods right away, motioning to the side where the car for us is already ready to take us back to the Corleone household, not to my surprise, to be honest and fair.

My heart stammers so loud I'm sure Michael can hear it as we get closer and closer to the house, but I can't help it. The variations of how this conversation could turn out make my stomach churn in nervousness and anxiety.

But at least this time I'm entering it knowing clearly what I want. And I won't settle for anything less.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

By the time we reach the office, we've met Connie and Tom, both of them surprised to see us walk so casually through the house, as if nothing had happened.

I wave at them with a shy smile on my face, only hoping that they're not mad at me for my earlier behaviour.

They both wave back and they seem glad that I'm back, which makes me a little more relieved already.

Then the door of Michael's office closes behind my back, the sound waking me from my thoughts as I slump down on the same arm chair I was sitting in the last time I spoke with my husband, months ago.

He follows soon after, pulling his own chair around the desk so he'd be closer to me. He knows how much I hate it when he's sitting on the other side of the desk when we have a comversation, like I'm just another client.

"I've been thinking. A lot." Michael speaks up a few silent minutes later.

"Me too," I admit.

"Do you want to start or should I?"

"Maybe I'll start, if that's okay with you."

He nods immediately, looking a bit relieved he has some more time left.

"I had quite enough time to think this whole thing through, to truly find out what I want and what I need in my life. Last time you promised you'd change. I honestly hope you're still determined to do that, because that's the most important thing for me. For us." I pause, giving him a chance to answer.

"Of course, I'm actually already getting there. Been trying for the past month or so, you can ask Connie, she'll prove it."

"Lovely," I nod. "Well then, it makes this easier for me to say the following things. You know, I truly missed you and the whole family, and being with you. I really think that this break was very much needed, because now I can see crystal clear that I do love my life the way it has been, and I'm able to pinpoint all the positive things about living here."

Michael's eyes slightly widen as he silently listens to me talk, he probably didn't think to hear these things from me so easily.

"I didn't stop loving you, Michael, not for a single moment, and if you still want this, and if you do promise to change, then I think I can give another chance for me to live here and be a part of this family."

He sucks in a breath, a small smile appearing in the corners of his lips already.

"Who was this guy then?" He speaks up a few seconds later.

"A friend, who would it be?" I ask back in surprise.

Is this really the most important thing he wants to say now?

"I don't know, I just heard a couple things," he shrugs, and as he looks away, clearly not being able to keep the eye contact between us going, I suddenly understand it.

The reason behind why he had other people watch me. Why he himself watched me.

"Oh, so when you hear something, you believe it straight away, don't you? Do you really think I'd ever cheat on you?" I scoff, even the assumption making a slight anger bubble up in my chest.

"No, I don't." Michael answers, his voice quiet and unsure. He knows how pathetic he sounds for asking such a question from me. He knows me and that I'd never do such thing.

"You don't have to go and be jealous of the first man I speak to outside this family."

"I know," he nods, eyes still searching some non-existent thing on the floor, avoiding mine.

I wait for him to gather his thoughts, waiting for something else he might say. As we sit in silence, my eyes searching his appearance, I notice the slight differences I haven't had the time to see before.

He lost a little weight, that one's obvious. A couple light creases appeared on his face, making it look like he's done a good amount of stressful thinking. His whole posture radiates some kind of different wiseness, something that wasn't there when I last saw him.

But even with all these small differences, his face is still the same beautiful, it's still the same marble statue. Or maybe he's even more gorgeous now, looking kind of more mature.

"So you want to come back?"

I can tell he's trying to keep his voice emotionless, he doesn't want to affect the answer I'll be giving.

"If you still want that too," I say.

A beat passes as his eyes finally look back into mine, the connection making my heart beat already faster.

"Of course I want that, (y/n)." Michael starts smiling even wider now. "Why do you think I spent so many hours out in cafés or just thinking through half the nights on how to win you back?"

A similarly wide smile appears on my face as he watches me with a raised eyebrow.

"I love you, (y/n). You're still the one and only for me, the love of my life. My feelings will never change, no matter how cliché it sounds." Michael shrugs, a chuckle leaving his lips.

We stand up in the exact same moment, stepping towards the other, and it feels just like the first time we ever declared our feelings towards the other.

Just like we're the same giddy teenagers we were at the start of our relationship.

I feel the exact same butterflies flutter inside my body when his fingers ever so lightly touch the backs of my hands, then as his right hand moves up and cups my cheek, bringing me closer, I feel myself growing impatient, and the next thing I know is me leaning in, crashing our lips together.

We kiss like it's the first time we have ever kissed, like the past so many years have never happened and we're back on square one.

When we run out of oxygen, we lean back only until our foreheads are still touching, giggling as if we're kids.

"I love you, Michael, but please don't ever be jealous." I whisper.

"I love you, (y/n), but please don't ever leave me again." Michael whispers back.

And in this exact moment I know that I'll never leave again, because there won't be a reason for me to do that. I can feel it in the way he speaks, the way he looks at me that he will try his best to change, and it'll be more than enough for me.

That break we had just strengthened our relationship, our marriage. It truly was for the better.

.::the end::.

my masterlist

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[gryffindoristhebest]

Lord Voldemorte’s Quest

A silver  moon rose silently into the dark sky, it's beauty unnoticed by the lone figure below. The stars surrounded  her in a blanket of merriment she, however paid them no heed and continued watching the figure, praying for it to leave.  To run from the darkness that would plague him if he continued  on his path. To her dismay, he entered the cave.

   The rocky cave was filthier than he remembered it to be. But that was a given considering that it had been almost 20 years since the last  time he had been there. Ah what a blissful time that was when he could simply make those that had displeased him hurt without having to answer to those pesky ministry officials. This particular cave held a special  place in the dark heart of Lord Voldemort as it had been in this very cave that he had first truly implemented his powers to punish those wretched muggle kids and had made them beg for mercy. It had been quite amusing to first, watch them writhe in pain at his feet and the, to listen to them trying to convince the authorities that scrawny little Tom-oh how he hated that common name, had taken them to an isolated cave and 'hurt' them. Nobody had believed them-of course who would believe that a boy, no more than 8 years of age was capable of torture.

              Salty water splashed and wet the hem of his robes, almost as it were kissing his feet as his loyal death eaters always did-after all he, Lord Voldemort was the greatest sorcerer the world had ever seen. The rock guarding the entrance was jagged and uneven, perfect for his plans. It was moved out of his way with a lazy flick of his wand. He was engulfed in darkness as soon as he stepped into the cave. The smell of salt lingered even as the entrance closed behind him. He would have to do something about it later, it allowed access  far too easily for something  that was supposed to protect  a piece of his very soul. The  locket around  his neck gave a twitch as he remembered the look on his filthy muggle father's face as he killed his grandparents first and then turned his wand on the scum, the satisfaction he felt as he watched the life leave the eyes of the man that had abandoned the one he had sworn to protect with his life, pregnant  and penniless. Nevertheless even the most useless muggle had had his use, after all he was one of the reasons that Lord Voldemort  was now a step closer to immortality.

            He walked to the middle of the cave and conjured a pearly white basin. Dropping the locket in it, he conjured an island of bones to raise it's height and surrounded the island with inferi. Filling the basin with a potion of his own invention and charming the cave so that no ordinary witch or wizard would be able to cast any water summoning charms, he thrust his wand and made a huge crater in the ground that he immediately filled with more inferi and fresh water. The potion would act like a deadly poison, incapacitating the drinker as he/she was forced to relive his or her worst nightmare. If by some miracle the drinker drained the entire bowl and survived, then he/she would  require water and the only way to get it would be through the lake of inferi he had conjured. As soon as anyone attempted to drink from the lake the inferi were  commanded to drag them under. Satisfied with his main defenses, Lord Voldemort conjured a boat with the masthead of his noble ancestor, Salazar Slytherin and made his way across the lake. He would  have to test his defenses using a disposable  creature, perhaps a house elf. Charming the entrance rock to open only after a tribute of magical blood was spilled, to weaken the intruder, Lord Voldemort  walked out of the cave and disappeared as the moon watched on.

           She sighed sadly, watching as another succumbed to the temptation of power and seeming immortality, not realizing that there are things worse than death. Then, she too disappeared  as the first rays of the sun broke through the sky.

So this was the very first piece of fanfiction I wrote....

[fand0mfancies]

Came across this on Tumblr a few days ago, it amused me for a couple of hours or more, filling it in, while watching QI.

 Fandom Questions

 1. What was the first fandom you got involved in?

Star Trek: Voyager, I suppose at least for reading. Started writing with Stargate SG-1.

 2. What is your latest fandom?

I dip in and out of lots of fandoms on and off, the most recent ‘pick up’ is Ballam from Eastenders, I don’t watch soaps, but Robron and Ballam both appear a good bit on my tumblr, so I eventually gave in to checking them out via fic and youtube – thank god for youtube, lol! I still don’t watch soaps, but I watch those storylines!

 3. What is the best fandom you’ve ever been involved in?

Gosh, that’s... actually no that’s really easy. Primeval. For anyone not familiar, it’s a ‘silly little dinosaur show’ produced in the UK. It had 4 short seasons, with a somewhat revolving main cast – although they managed to keep 3 of them through all 4 seasons – but the fandom was/is amazing. I made life long friends through the fandom and even though I don’t write much any more I still read some and still talk with those people.

 4. Do you regret getting involved in any fandoms?

I would say no. I can’t say every fandom has always been amazing – ship wars anyone! – but mostly fandom has been a very positive experience in my life.

 5. Which fandoms have your written fanfiction for?

How long have you got... in genuinely no particular order (basically as they came to me) Stargate SG-1, Stargate Atlantis, Star Trek (TNG, DS9, Voy, Ent & Reboot Movies), Marvel, Kingsman, Person of Interest, Due South, Quantum Leap, Firefly, Buffy/Angel verse, Harry Potter, The Sentinel, Torchwood(/Doctor Who), Hawaii Five-0, Shadowhunters, Sherlock, Primeval, Emmerdale (Robron), NCIS, CSI (Vegas, NY & Miami), White Collar, Empire Records, Bull, Diagnosis Murder, MacGyver (the original), 1-800-Missing, CHAOS, Without a Trace, M*A*S*H, Charmed, Queer as Folk (US), Will & Grace, Bring it On, Nash Bridges, Magnificent 7 (TV series), House, Babylon 5 – I think I got them all... a few of those were one time only deals, but a lot of them have more (anywhere from 2-52 (or more still!) ranging from 100 word drabbles, to thousands of words – hey I’ve been writing fic for 21 years... you tend to amass a lot of fandoms...

 6. List your OTP from each fandom you’ve been involved in.

Oh geez, here we go, lol! Okay...

 Stargate SG-1: Jack O’Neill/Daniel Jackson

Stargate Atlantis: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard

Star Trek: Elim Garak/Julian Bashir, Chakotay/Tom Paris, Jonathan Archer/Malcolm Reed, James Kirk/Spock – I don’t particularly have an ‘otp’ in TNG, the couple I’ve written were Picard/Data, I’ve also dabbled reading Data/Gordi)

Marvel: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark

Kingsman: Harry Hart/Eggsy Unwin

Person of Interest: Harold Finch/John Reese

Due South: Benton Fraser/Ray K

Quantum Leap: Sam/Al

Firefly: Malcolm Reynolds/Simon Tam

Buffy/Angel Verse: Buffy/Giles, Angel/Spike, Xander/Spike, Willow/Tara

Harry Potter: Harry/Draco, Harry/Hermione, Harry/Hermione/Draco

The Sentinel: Jim/Blair

Torchwood: Jack/Ianto

Hawaii Five-O: Steve/Danno

Shadowhunters: Magnus/Alec

Sherlock: Sherlock/John, Mycroft/Lestrade

Primeval: Nick Cutter/Stephen Hart, James Lester/Hilary Becker Emmerdale: Robert Sugden/Aaron Dingle

NCIS: Gibbs/DiNozzo CSI: Nick Stokes/David Hodges, Mac/Danny, Horatio/Speed White Collar: Neal/Peter/Elizabeth

Empire Records: Joe/Lucas

Bull: Benny/Jason

Diagnosis Murder: Steve/Jesse

 I’ve left a few out where I don’t have particular OTPs

 7. List your NoTPs from each fandom you’ve been in.

Here we go again... lol!

 Stargate SG-1: Jack/Sam, I just... no. I’ve read a few where it’s a background or secondary pairing, but it always makes me wince a bit. I’ve read a few with Sam/Daniel as a secondary pairing that didn’t make me react that way and I’ve read Sam with other characters, but Jack/Sam just is a nope for me.

Stargate Atlantis: McKay/Keller – no, just no. that was horrible. She treated him like... awfully, trying to change him to suit her, just... no.

Marvel: Contentious, but Tony/Pepper, also Peter Parker/Tony Stark. Maybe because I saw the movies before I ever looked at the comics, but meh.

Due South: Benton Fraser/Ray V – again, contentious, but honestly I think Ray V was kind of a shit friend to Fraser.

Firefly: Anything with Jayne. No really, I just can not stand the character. I spent most of the series wanting to punch him in the face and sometimes you get characters you love to hate, but I just hated him.

Buffy/Angel Verse: Buffy/Spike, Willow/Kennedy

Harry Potter: Ron/Hermione, Ron/Harry, Harry/Ginny... basically, Ron and Ginny should just be loveless hermits who live by themselves. Ok, no, that isn’t fair... but as much as Ron was Harry’s first friend, he was selfish and bitter and Ginny/Harry just... never sat right with me. Ron literally says she spent ‘all summer talking about’ Harry, when she’d met him for all of three seconds. She didn’t know him. It always felt like she fell more in love with the *idea* of Harry Potter, than Harry Potter himself.

Sherlock: Sherlock/Molly, he’d eat her for breakfast. Serious, she’d never survive him.

Primeval: Oliver Leek and anyway. Arg. Creepy little dude is creepy and evil.

NCIS: Ziva/DiNozzo – ugh, just no.

 Again, I’ve left out ones where I don’t have particular NoTPs

 8. How did you get involved in your latest fandom?

Tumblr, god damned bitches posting gifs of pretty boys falling in love, roped me in!

 9. What are the best things about your current fandom?

I dabble in several fandoms at once... but if we go by ‘most recently picked up’ as ‘current’ we’re talking Ballum, which hey, it’s always fun to have an actual canon pairing be my OTP, that’s rare for me, lol.

 10.  Is there a fandom you read fic from but don’t write in?

Well (so far) I haven’t written any Ballum. (I say so far, because I’m a realist, lol). I rarely read in fandoms and not end up writing in them at some point. Although I have probably dabbled in a few I’ve not written for, but if I read it with any sort of consistency, I mostly end up writing it. I am weak!

  Ship Questions for your Current Fandom

 11. Who is your current OTP?

Okay, so that list above, just basically go with that. While I do drop in and hour of fandoms and some I certainly read in more than others, I do tend to go back to fandoms... If we were talking about what I’m mostly focused on writing atm... Steve/Tony, Mycroft/Lestrade, Harry/Draco and Robron are ones I’m currently working on most.

 12. Who is your current OT3?

I’m not currently writing anything that’s OT3 with any real focus. I have a couple of Neal/Peter/Elizabeth WiPs that I will at some point finish, but they aren’t a big focus just now. I did recently read a fabulous Neal/Peter/Elizabeth fic that’s been on my tbr list for ages.

 13. Any NoTPs?

Just... see above, lol!

 14. Go on, who are your BroTPs?

Harry Hart/Merlin, those two are Bro’s until the end and I will fight you on this. Also, Eggsy/Roxy! OMG they are such a BroTP! And Tony/Pepper/Rhodey – I may no like Tony/Pepper as a pairing, but I love them as best friends and of course, our Rhodes, because again, I will fight you on this, they are awesome and Tony needs his best friends!

 15. Is there an obscure ship which you love?

I’m not sure there is. I suppose I’ve read a few fics for some random pairings over the years, but nothing that’s made me really ship-ship them. I like Clint Barton/Bucky Barnes, after seeing it as a secondary pairing in a Steve/Tony fic, but I’ve seen that pop up a few times since, so maybe it won’t stay obscure for long!

 16. Are their any popular ships in your fandom which you dislike?

Jack/Sam, Tony/Pepper, Ron/Hermione, Harry/Ginny, Buffy/Spike – they all seem to be het pairings, oops. But I am mostly a slash fic reader/writer, so I suppose that’s not too surprising.

 17. Who was your first OTP and are they still your favourite?

Jack/Daniel from Stargate SG-1. I still love them. I still read them, although it has been a while since I’ve written them on their own (I have got some SG-1/SGA x-overs where they feature)

 18. What ship have you written the most about?

I’m genuinely not sure... without going and counting (and I’m not going any counting!) I’d guess Jack/Daniel, McKay/Sheppard, Jack/Ianto and Steve/Danno.

 19. Is there a ship which you wished you could get behind, but you just don’t feel them?

No, not that I can think off. I either like it or not. I do occasionally feel bad for not reading a fic if it’s an author I really like, but I don’t read that fandom or pairing, but nothing specific.

 20. Any ships which you surprised yourself by liking?

Robron and Ballum, lol. I do not do soaps!

  Author Questions

 21. What was the first fanfic you ever wrote?

 Stargate SG-1, Jack/Daniel, a story called The Dare, The Disaster, The Almost Happy Ending, And The Very Happy Ending – it was awful. Don’t go looking, lol!

 22. Is there anything you regret writing?

Don’t we all? No, I wouldn’t specifically say so. There are certainly fics, especially older ones, I wish I could have written better, but nothing I’d go, ugh I should never have done that.

 23. Name a fic you’ve written that you’re especially fond of & explain why you like it.

Uh... honestly that’s really hard. I... um... yeah, I don’t know, really. I wrote a nice little flower one in POI that I felt worked rather beautifully. The Language of Flowers. An I wrote an SGA fic for NaNo a few years ago, called A Different Life, but it’s not online, because I didn’t finish it yet and I knew I wasn’t going to finish it any time soon, so I didn’t feel it was fair to leave it up unfinished (there is a reason I don’t read WiP fics and I don’t post them either, because I know how much I hate unfinished WiPs) Edit: After writing this I reminded myself of a POI fic I wrote called Hours of Separation – It’s a Harold/John break up story that I always intended to write a sequel too where I ‘fixed’ them, but I just couldn’t do it. I broke them a little too well. But I really love it actually.

 24. What fic do you desperately need to rewrite or edit?

The afore mentioned A Different Life needs to be edited and finished, lol! Also a Primeval fic with the working title Crypt Keeper (don’t ask) that I worked myself into a bit of a corner on and I figure out how to fix it, but I haven’t done it yet, so it’s still needs fixing and finishing, lol!

 25. What’s your most popular fanfic?

I haven’t the foggiest.

 26. How do you come up with your fanfic titles?

Sometimes, really easily, a quote, a line from the fic, a song title... other times it’s like pulling teeth, hence working titles on things like ‘crypt keeper’ which is a reference to one scene near the very start and has no actual hint of the plot, lol!

 27. What do you hate more: Coming up with titles or writing summaries?

Oh the titles. Summaries you can just copy a few lines from the fic if you are desperate, if you had to post ‘untitled mcshep fic #67’ people would get cranky, lol, hell I’d get cranky!

 28. If someone were to draw a piece of fanart for your story, which story would it be and what would the picture be of?

Oh... I... huh. I mean who wouldn’t love fanart for their stories? Any of them honestly! But if I had to choose just one... I guess something in my Animal Instinct verse, which is Primeval (although I always intended to write other fandoms in the verse) where some people transform into animals, based on their ‘spirit animal’ and some art of the characters with their spirit animal form would be awesome.

 29. Do you have a beta reader? Why/Why not?

Sometimes, look if you’ve read this far, you know I write in a lot of fandoms, lol. In some fandoms it’s easier than others to find beta readers. Also, sometimes if it’s just something short, I won’t bother. But I do try for my longer fics.

 30. What inspires you to write?

That old adage, if you want to read it, sometimes you just have to write it? Spite? Boredom? Honestly sometimes I just have ideas I have to get out of my brain and it’s write or go mad(der)

 31. What’s the nicest thing someone has ever said about your writing?

That it inspired them to write something.

 32. Do you listen to music when you write or does music inspire you? If so, which band or genre of music does it for you?

Sometimes, sometimes I find it distracting when writing because I end up singing along and forgetting what I’m writing, lol! I do sometimes get inspiration from songs, I guess mostly from the lyrics, but no particular band or genre – although I listen to a lot of country music!

 33. Do you write oneshots, multi-chapter fics or huuuuuge epics?

Little from column a, little from column b... littler still from column c...

 34. What’s the word count on your longest fic?

Around 60k, I think.

 35. Do you write drabbles? If so, what do you normally write them about?

I have. Primeval had/has a week drabble challenge, mostly when I’ve written drabbles it’s been for a challenge, with a specific prompt.

 36. What’s your favourite genre to write?

Uh... I mean, my fandoms really span the genres, but I guess sci-fi or crime are probably my favourites.

 37. First person or third person - what do you write in and why?

Third mostly, I have occasionally written in first person, if it felt like the fic needed it.

 38. Do you use established canon characters or do you create OCs?

Little from column a, little from column b... it depends on the fandom and the story. Sometimes you just need more characters, mostly they are minor roles, I don’t tend to write much established character/oc fic

 39. What is your greatest strength as a writer?

Ability to convince myself people will want to read it, lol! No actually to be honest, I love to know people read and like my stuff, but I gave up a long time ago on trying to ‘please’ people with what I write. I write what I want to read.

 40. What do you struggle the most with in your writing?

Focus. The problem with 21 years of fandom history, is well... 21 years of fandom history. A lot of fandoms, a lot of pairings and as I say, I never really ‘leave’ a fandom, I just drop in and out and sometimes that means I’ll write on something consistently for weeks or months and then end up getting distracted by another fandom again and not touch it for weeks or months again. Hence, I don’t post WiP fics, because I know I’m easily distracted and don’t want anyone to suffer my lack of focus but me.

  Fanfiction Questions

 41. List and link to 5 fanfics you are currently reading:

I don’t read WiP fics, so yeah... but 5 I’ve recently read in different fandoms that I’ve really enjoyed

 Turns Out, I Have a Rose Garden by betheflame (Steve Rogers/Tony Stark)

Lucky by china_shop (Neal Caffery/Peter Burke/Elizabeth Burke)

Colors by Quesarasara (Sherlock/John)

Betrayal by Blackghost7 (Gibbs/DiNozzo)

Matchmaker (Part 1 of the Marmalade Series) by HastaLux, Mottlemoth (Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade)

 42. List and link to 5 fanfiction authors who are amazing:

See now this is hard, because... ahh so many...

 FredBassett – Primeval author, her Stephen/Ryan series is epic and brilliant and endless

https://archiveofourown.org/users/fredbassett/pseuds/fredbassett

 Keira Marcos – I know other people will have said her, I don’t care. I love all her stuff, across all the fandoms she writes in

http://keiramarcos.com/

 theapplepielifestyle – her Steve/Tony is amazing. Hands down some of the best I’ve ever read. I will fight you on this.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/theappleppielifestyle/pseuds/theappleppielifestyle

 JillyJames – her Tony DiNozzo is a real life grown up... exactly as he should be considered given he’s a goddamn federal agent!

https://jillyjames.com/

 missbecky – I’ve read pretty much all her Steve/Tony and Harry/Eggsy and it’s awesome.

https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbecky

 Honestly, I could have listed so many more, but, I’m being good!

 43. Is there anyone in your fandom who really inspires you?

Everyone. The thing is, fandom at it’s best is like crack, the more you get, the more you want. The writing, the gifs, the art... it feeds you and makes you want to make more of it, because more of it needs to exist and if that means you need to do it yourself, so be it!

 44. What ship do you feel needs more attention?

ALL OF THEM!

 45. What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Oh hell no, not even, I can not. It took me an hour to narrow down 5 authors, I can not narrow down one fanfic!

 46. If someone was to read one of your fanfics, which fic would you recommend to them and why?

I mean, it depends on what they like... probably the Hour of Separation I mentioned above, if they like the fandom/pairing, or my Animal Instinct stuff.

 47. Archive Of Our Own, Fanfiction.net or Tumblr - where do you prefer to post and why?

Archive of our Own. I haven’t touched ff.net in *years* since they started getting super restrictive about what you could post. I do occasionally post stuff to tumblr, but mostly I now post to AO3. I did have my own site and I’ve yet to upload a lot of stuff to AO3 – one of these... months... that will be a project – but it’s amazing. Seriously, having been in fandom 20+ years, going from having to search all over a million different places and now it’s all in one place, where we’re honestly, spoiled and protected. The kids now have no idea how crazy impossible that once seemed.

 48. Do you leave reviews when you read fanfiction? Why/Why not?

Yes, but not as often as I should. I love AO3s kudos button, so I can sort of say ‘hey I enjoyed this’ without having to comment, because I sort of hate leaving comments just going ‘hey I enjoyed this’ because I always feel like I should say more, like, oh I enjoyed this specific thing, which yes is an unnecessary hang-up, but there ya go.

 49. Do you care if people comment/reblog your writing? Why/why not?

Of course it’s nice to get comments, kudos, reblogs etc. I’m not as attached to them now as I was when I was younger, because I learned along the way that it was more important that I like what I’m writing than that other people do, but it’s still nice to know that something I’ve created is enjoyed.

 50. How did you get into reading and/or writing fanfiction?

I went looking for Star Trek Voyager stuff online, pics etc, waaaaaaay back when! And I came across fanfiction entirely by accident... and I read some – het stuff mostly, then I started watching Stargate SG-1, went looking for fanfiction for that, but was not on board with Jack/Sam, found Jack/Daniel went ‘huh really? That’s weird’ read it... and yeah... 21 years later... lol!

 51. Rant or Gush about one thing you love or hate in the world of fanfiction! Go!

Ship Wars. No seriously, just don’t. Like, who the actual fuck cares. I like my ship, you like your ship. I don’t care if it’s canon or not. I don’t care if it’s popular or not. I don’t read my NoTPs, but I’d never dream of telling someone else not too. Yes I think they are terrible, bad, no good pairings, but that’s *my* opinion. Don’t try to change my mind and I won’t try to change yours. I avoid them like the actual plague. If someone starts that shit around me, I will shut it right down. You are a dick. Go to Jail. Do not pass Go. Do not collect £200.